I drank twice my limit yesterday. I drank a half pint of vodka, then I went out and got another one and drank it.
Time to reassess. I need to abstain from drinking the next three days, that is, I want to. My daughter's college graduation party is Saturday and I want to wait until then to drink. It will be easy for me to moderate at her party; and mostly, her dad and I will be staying out of their way and let them play amongst themselves!
I've been in crisis for a while over mostly serious family of origin emotional trauma and it's clearly getting the better of me.
I honestly don't even know if I'll be able to stay alcohol-free for three days in a row --- that's how bad it's gotten. I'm generally ok drinking whenever I want as long as I'm moderate, but mostly I do not like drinking every day; never have.
Didn't drink Monday. I can't remember the last time I had three abs days in a row, but I had two in a row recently, so I don't know why I'm so nervous. I don't know why I think it's going to be a problem for me to abstain for three days!
Maybe it has to do with how much I drank yesterday! Maybe I fear I'm out of control!
I haven't even given myself a chance to do the work yet! I've been distracted from continuing the LifeProcessProgram (link in right margin). How can the program work if I don't do it?! I'll never know if it helps me achieve my goal if I don't try it!
Given what happened yesterday, I feel I better put my focus on LPP and not on getting my memoir ready to send to my mom---as super important and needed as that is! I don't have time or energy to do both things; it's gotta be one or the other.
Thank GodGoddessUniverse I had sense enough to make an appointment with my psychologist to talk about the overwhelming things happening in my life that are taking a major toll on my emotional and mental state. I haven't needed to see her for about a year. Can't wait for Sunday afternoon for my appointment!
....And I'm so sick of having to apologize to people the day after I drank too much, especially my little family here; whom I do try not to impose upon when I'm drinking; but when I drink that much there's really no where for anyone to hide! I get really philosophical and happy and loving and spiritual, and also witty and snarky. I think I'm saving the world when I reach-out to people at the time. Ugh.
