I don't have to drink too much in order to make myself choose to abs for a while!
It's OK if I change my mind about choosing to abs!
I don't have to choose abs as a subconscious form of self punishment!
I don't have to listen to the ancient Toxic CultAA tapes in my brain about my drinking and about myself!
I have been planning to drink on the full moon for a month!
I was hasty in making that decision to do a 30!
I love drinking on a full moon, and today is a really special one!
As writer and author Judy Reeves wrote in her newsletter:
"I'm a self-confessed lunatic — moonstruck every month by the silvery light and irresistible pull of the full moon. Over the years, I've presented Blue Moon, Full Moon, Howl at the Moon, and Write with the Moon writing workshops.
Though I'm not having a special workshop for it, I will be celebrating this Friday, July 31, during the first Blue Moon since August 2012. There won't be another until 2018.
Scientists and astronomers may have dates and tables and calculations for the Blue Moon, (it occurs when a calendar months contains two full moons), but we lunatics know this rare appearance holds special mystery and magic. Every full moon is a time of heightened creativity, of dream work and prophecy and though each full moon calls to us, the Blue Moon holds extraordinary allure.
So take to your notebooks and write in your wild voice, and when the time is right and the moon is high, go outside and raise your voice in a mighty howl.
Your prompt: Under the full moon. Write for 17 minutes."
I can learn to trust myself that I won't drink more than I plan to drink!
I can learn to trust myself that I won't drive under the influence! Especially to get more booze!
Today, I gave my car keys to my daughter and told her not to give them to me until tomorrow! I simply said that my driving is scaring me today (pre-drinking), and to hold my keys for me in case I forget! My driving DID scare me this morning! It was just one of those days. She has no idea I'm a drinker again these past 2 1/2 years, and that's the way I want it and like it and need it to be for a while; for both my college daughters' sakes, and for their dad's sake too. (It's all on me and what I mistakenly taught them to believe about me and drinking over the years.)
I didn't give it careful thought before I made the decision to Do A 30.
I was basing my decision on emotions at the time?
Perhaps.
I was influenced by something I read at MM; all good, of course! But it wasn't really True for ME at this time.
I may want to do a 30 after today -- and next drink on the August full moon!
My #1 Priority is already assured for today: No Driving Under The Influence.
That automatically makes my #2 Priority a given: I Deserve A Blissful Night's Sleep!
I won't have a blissful night's sleep if I drink more than 1/2 pint of this here Camarena Silver Tequila!
I know my physiology. I know my body. I know my brain.
4 drinks is my absolute limit to insure a sweet sleep the night of a drinking day IF I start early in the day.
If I don't start drinking until evening, 3, possibly only 2 1/2 drinks is my max in order to sleep sweetly.
I am talking only about standard drinks, no more. 1.5 oz. of hard liquor = 1 standard drink.
SO
That's my story and I'm sticking with it!
Just an expression!
I'm telling the truth to myself; nothing is more important than that!
