I have Very Good new help and support in this fantastic journey, which I will blog about as I go along.
Today:
I'm desiring to drink even though I planned to wait until Friday to drink. On a scale of 1 - 10 the desire is a 5. I created this blog as a way to talk myself through things like this. I have good online forums for this as well. A personal drinking diary feels like a must-have right now.
The reason I want to drink today is because we have no plans and it's a lazy Sunday. I'm stuck inside on this hot day. I simply want to Play, to Party, to have Fun. To Relax. To alter my consciousness.
The trick is that I want to limit how much I drink. I'm very health conscious. I've been drinking every-other day or even a bit more often the past week or so. This is definitely a phase, but with alcohol I have to be careful it doesn't escalate; it can so easily get out of control.
I also have to keep my drinking a secret from my little family. That is a story in itself. It's mostly to protect them, but it's also because I seem to maintain better moderation when drinking is My Secret.
For me, even four standard drinks is a lot, and is usually too much.
Compared to everyone else I know with a drinking problem, I drink practically nothing. I'm very Blessed, and I know it. Everyone is different, everyone's physiology is different.
So, to drink or not to drink, that is the question!
No doubt I'd feel better about myself if I stuck to my Plan, but I'm still so new at this I don't even really know how to plan when it comes to drinking.
The ONLY Plan that I MUST adhere to is No Drinking And Driving!!!! AMEN!!!
That means if I run out of booze and want more, I don't get to get more and I have to ride-out the feelings. That is hard to do when your judgment is impaired!
But This One Is A No-Brainer!!!
I can feel within me that I could quite easily choose not to drink today if I wanted to. That's because alcohol is not an addiction, it's a weakness.
I think I'm going to drink. OK, what should I drink? A 1/2 pint of white tequila is four standard shots. Or I could get three craft beers. Or three individual servings of wine. But the truth is, I know I want four drinks today. More than that and I will definitely suffer later.
Later: Just bought this:
Love this champagne. Haven't had it for a while. A bottle equals 5 standard drinks of 5 oz. each. I'm hoping I will want to pour one of them down the drain. I'll survive sleep-time tonight much better if I do.
I'm also going to curb my use of legal medicinal cannabis today. The last time I used it I got too high and that was a first. I don't use much as it is, of course. But it's super easy for me to control my use of.
