I clearly picked the wrong time to do an Abs-30; if I'm even going to do one at all.
Between my ex-sister's unwanted voice message late Wednesday night, to it being Mother's Day tomorrow, no wonder I went over the edge, drank to excess the next day after ex-sister's call, scared myself so bad I committed to not drinking for 30 days yesterday, and am now drinking right now, the evening before Mother's Day!
LAST Mother's Day I sent my 80-something mother a Very Large, Very Expensive, And Very Beautiful Bouquet Of Flowers.
And THIS Mother's Day, I'm orphaned from her and all of them for life.
I'm a psychological and emotional wreck over my fucking FOO (family of origin), and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, except trying to survive.
Once enough time has passed when they have been safely out of my life, I'm sure to recover.
I have it on good authority--the ones who know me the best tell me--that I'm super strong and super resilient.
I Didn't Want To Tell This Story Because I Didn't Want My Ex-Sister To Know She Has So Much Power Over Me. It will just feed her ego. She's 4 1/2 years older than me and is into trying to control me.
I mean, I didn't want to post the part about how much she drove me to drink the next day. And now I don't want to post that they have driven me to drink today. But They Have.
They Are My BLOOD. Not Only My Blood, But My Same Sex Birth-Family Members. Mother's And Sister's Can't Not Have A SuperDeDooperExtraStrongConnection With You, Yo!
WHY DOESN'T SOCIETY AS A WHOLE UNDERSTAND THAT AND SUPPORT WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH?? IT'S POLITICALLY INCORRECT TO BLAME ANYONE AT ALL FOR ANY OF YOUR PROBLEMS OR PAIN, AND THAT IS BULLSHIT!
It's My Responsibility To Deal With It And Grow From It And Learn How To Find Peace, And To Take Responsibility For How I'm Feeling, And I DO!
But THEY Get the BLAME For Messing Me Up, Because That's Exactly What They Did!
And If I ever mess-up my beloved daughters, I will OWN it, and I will do everything in my power to heal it, and I will never stop apologizing to them.
Do You Get My Drift?
Mercifully, my daughters are happy, well adjusted young women who love and like and respect and trust me!
They and they alone are responsible for me learning that I am a good person, a sane person, and worthy of love.
