Today Is My 59th Birthday And I Want To Do The Abs-30 After All!

So, this is the last picture for a while of me drinking:

I decided I wanted to be cool and smart and follow the advice of The 30 Day Solution (link in right margin), and quit drinking for 30 Days while working through the program.

They advise in the book to start the Abs-30 sometime in the first week.
I've read/done the exercises of Day 1 - Day 4 very thoroughly.
Yesterday I never got around to reading Day 5 and doing the exercises. So now I'm in a dilemma.
I don't know whether I want to start over in the book at Day 1, on the day I am starting the alcohol-free-30, or if I want to keep going and do both Day 5 and Day 6 in the book and on the interactive website today, and catch up.

Decisions Decisions Decisions...

Humans Seem To Need Moderation So Let's Embrace That

Quote from The 30 Day Sobriety Solution:

""We accept the love we think we deserve." Stephen Chbosky's quote from his book, and later the movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is brilliant in its simplicity, yet it doesn't apply just to love. You also accept the sobriety you think you deserve. If you don't think you deserve to be sober or you don't think you deserve to thrive in sobriety, you will never attract it or accept it in your life. You might get close to reaching the coveted thriving-in-sobriety state of mind, but then self-sabotage will inevitably kick in."

We seem, as human beings, to require moderation in all things in order to be happy and to thrive.

So, I suppose, the sooner we accept and embrace that.... and, say, give up our primal or carnal desires to drink ourselves silly, for example  (although, that formula seemed to work just fine in my youth!), the sooner we will truly find happiness and peace. : )


As I'm continuing in my journey with the 30 Day Solution (link in right margin), I'm loving yesterday's theme which was about love and forgiveness for self and others. It's key to everything. It's key to healing and lasting sobriety.

I've discovered that for my needs at this time, I don't need to do an Abs-30 because the program is helping me drink within my moderation plan of 0-4.

I've already achieved so much alcohol-free time in my life; as a matter of fact, more alcohol-free time than drinking time when you calculate it all up.

Soooo, I'll stay in Rachel Maddow's camp of staying an "Alcohol Enthusiast" ---- I can't imagine for one second her ever giving up booze for 30 days! HaHa!

Key: Giving Up The All Or Nothing Thinking

Last year I had a major metamorphosis that transformed my drinking life forever.

I awakened to, and saw, how black and white my thinking was about drinking.

Then I worked on changing it, and I'm being successful because I never gave up.

No matter how sick I got in the night from over-drinking, no matter how bad my hangover was, no matter how much I hated myself for drinking too much again, no matter how much damage control I had to do the next day and how humiliated and embarrassed I felt, I NEVER ONCE entertained the idea of Quitting Drinking For Good, like I ALWAYS did previously (for over three decades). ....And this is GOOD because that kind of thinking/action of quitting drinking for good (because I believed I was an alcoholic) only worked for a while, and then I'd be back to drinking too much again.

This would be a GOOD place to insert a Brilliant Quote from a Great Thinker on this subject! But I don't seem to have one available right now! : )

The kinds of thoughts I have instead are a mixture.
My favorite is a steady stream of a mantra throughout the darkness of "I Love You" and "All Is Well" to my heart.
My other favorite mantra is, "I'm So Sorry"
And then there's the good ole standby, "I Hate You", cuz, let's face it, it's important to be honest.
And then I bring it back to "I Love You" once I've satisfied my need to hate on myself.
My inner child deserves ONLY Love and Praise.

I Posted This At HAMS And At MM (links in right margin) And Got ZERO Responses

WOW! I'm TRULY Not Finding others who have achieved what I have achieved in my drinking. Even when I was in LPP (link in right margin), my coach never did come up with any others for me who turned problem drinking into as moderate drinking as I have.

Am I saying this to brag? No, not at all. Bragging is a negative. Acknowledging my accomplishments is a positive! : ) I fucking DESERVE accolades from myself! : )

Am I SURPRISED I can't seem to find any others like myself?? AbsoFuckingLutely!

Now I understand that I really must help teach others. I Want To Help.

Looking For Folks Who Drink As Moderately As I Do! ? ! ?

Yesterday, 07:26 PM

You were a problem-drinker all your teen-to-adult life
You tried moderating a million times but always ended up having to quit drinking again
You've had many months at a time and even years at a time of being alcohol-free
You never drank every day and never will
You now drink 0-4 standard drinks when you drink, but when you drink more it's 5-7 standard drinks
It's easy for you to have abs days and you love abs days
When you drink moderately you are happy! And you deserve to be happy!
When you drink 5-7 drinks you suffer: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
You simply want to drink moderately, 0-4, almost all of the time and are striving for that

Anyone?
Anyone at all?
Surely I'm not the only one!
Or AM I? ! 

My blog is my living drinking journal.... and I know it is one of the main reasons my drinking is as under control as it is. That's just what works for me (public honesty)!

xo, Jaya

Simply This. Period!

 

Huh

The more I get into this new program, I'm feeling I don't belong there.
It's, like most programs, designed for people with far, far, far worse drinking problems than me; who's lives are falling apart in all the typical ways that bad drinking problems bring.
And who can't do much moderate drinking, if at all,
And who drink every day.
Stuff like that.

I can't relate.
I don't resonate.

I don't even know why I think I need to do an Abs-30 after all. But I'm not exactly a social drinker; I drink more than that. But most social drinkers I know of wouldn't even give up drinking for 30 days. They wouldn't want to and they would find it very hard to if they tried.

I simply wanted to do an Abs-30 for fun, for health, as a way to circulate energy (by doing something different), and to just take a break from drinking. AND to help me get back to drinking less than I've been drinking the past month.

But this program, this "The 30 Day Sobriety Solution" .... is it for me or not?

I gotta figure it out I guess.

Jesus, I'm lucky!!! My "drinking problem" is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING like everyone else's I hear about no matter where I go.

That doesn't mean I'm happy with my drinking all the time. That doesn't mean when I drink 5-7 drinks sometimes I'm not hurting my health. I DO suffer when I drink that much. And since December I seem to have been drinking that much more than I care to admit. Although I still enjoy lots and lots of 0 days, and lots of 1-3 days, and some 4 drink days too.

MY perfect numbers (we must decide for ourselves what moderation is), as I've written about many times, is 0-3 standard drinks, sometimes 4.

This book claims that alcohol is not even the problem, so maybe if I can work my way through it, accompanied by the free interactive website, I'll discover exactly what it is that makes me over-drink at times and I can fix it! (I have a pretty good idea already.)

Compared to all the other times in my life that I have tried to be a moderate drinker, I'm doing it now. I always failed before and gave up trying. I gave up trying and quit drinking altogether.

....I'm just tired right now. I'm writing this while very fatigued and hungry. I don't necessarily want to drink right now; that's not it at all!  It's just.... where are MY peeps? Where are those who drink like I do?? Am I that unique? !

From "The 30 Day Sobriety Solution" by jack Canfield and Dave Andrews

Note: Sobriety means whatever you want it to mean, according to me, and according to them too!
I resonate with this book I started today.
My intention is 30 days of abs while I work through this book, which is a chapter a day with exercises, and a FREE interactive website. I'm going to post the links in the right margin of my blog.
We're asked to keep a journal.
Some days I will want to journal publicly, other days, I'll journal privately.
Here are questions asked in the book, which I will respond to:

The first question doesn't apply to me. Hurray!

Yes, I'm concerned about the effects my drinking has on finances, family,health, but not the rest in question two.

Yes, I've experienced frustration over not living up to my plans for drinking moderately all the time. And I've been discouraged about failing at moderate drinking sometimes, but not nearly as much since I started this blog as I used to be in my life! I'm not certain my drinking habits are holding me back from what I want to accomplish in life except on a pretty small scale.

Yes, I've always needed a private solution to achieve my goal of Abs-30 followed by more moderate drinking.

No, I'm not worried about people knowing how much I drink. That's why I have a public drinking journal blog.

No. I never care about drinking at public or social events, I can take it or leave it.

I have definitely felt my energy stagnating which is why I'm doing the Abs-30, and like a Divine Gift, this book practically fell into my lap right on cue. Thanks to a sweet friend on Facebook!

Cool Looking New Book On Its Way

A friend recommended it! Thanks, my friend! : )   Link:

The 30-Day Sobriety Solution: How to Cut Back or Quit Drinking in the Privacy of Your Own Home

Sweeet

It's like three weeks ago a seed was planted and yesterday it germinated.  : )

When I first heard about the Dryuary thing during the first week of January, I was so focused on and was in the momentum of my moderating plan that I didn't want to make the shift to doing an Abs-30 (well, I guess the Dryuary folks are doing a 31!)

So, January 31st is my 59th birthday, and this Abs-30 is like an early birthday present. : )

Yesterday was an awesome, healthy day for me. I can feel the shift in energy. Or as Matt Kahn talked about in his last video, circulating energy! Link: Matt Kahn Energy Update How important it is to circulate energy by doing things differently than you usually do them, even little things.  An Abs-30 is a big thing. (Not to mention he said my name! And I swear, he was talking to me personally, as a member of True Divine Nature and The Angel Academy! I've never had the pleasure of seeing him in person.)

I've never done a 30 before. I've only ever quit drinking "for good." I've never before been able to do this. It was either too hard for me, or to me it represented (due to years of brainwashing by CultAA) that if I abstain from drinking for 30 days it just means I'm an alcoholic who really can't and shouldn't drink at all. Until this day, the thought of doing a 30 represented my inability to ever be a moderate drinker. So, that's why for the past year I'd been focusing on and trying to moderate my drinking. I did prove to myself that I could go straight from weeks of mostly over-drinking to moderate drinking, without having to abstain from drinking for 30 days first. Does this make sense? Many programs that support moderate drinking suggest doing a 30-day alcohol-free period before attempting moderate drinking.

In 2013 and half of 2014 I drank on average once a month, but that's different, way different than this. I simply didn't desire more than that after that full year alcohol-free in 2012. Usually when I drank that once a month I drank too much. And I hadn't thought-out what moderation was for me yet then.

NOW is the time I'm FREE to do an ABS-30 for the sheer health and fun and energy circulating of it!

WOOT!!  As Always, I Know Many, Many Others Can Achieve This ---  You May Not Have A Clue How Magnificent And Powerful You Are!  (Assuming, of course, that I'm going to be successful myself and complete this thing!)

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum!

That's a very old cliche, isn't it!
From the movie of the same title back in the 60s.

I Woke Up This Morning Wanting To And Making The Decision To Start An Abs-30 Today!

It will be so good for body, mind, and spirit.

I didn't expect this to happen though! I first heard about "Dry January" during the first week of January, and I guess I've been thinking about it ever since! It's such a good idea. It started in the UK and is very popular there, and it's catching on here too. I know lots of people have been doing it this month, I can only think of one right now:
Joy Behar! https://www.facebook.com/TheView/videos/10153228765956524/

I wonder if she's being successful? : ) I hope so!

 AND MOST OF FEBRUARY!

I Like This Doodle Better Than The First One

Listening To Bowie's Blacsktar And Getting High

Is There Any Other Way?

LoveIsHere

Here's Another Way Of Looking At Things

How about changing your substance use in order to circulate energy and renew the stagnant energy that is your over-use of substances? : )

Energy Upgrade From Matt Kahn

CANNABIS

I'm finally convincing Push (especially now that I've recognized her and named her!)(See previous posts!) that medicinal cannabis is the way to go; that it's the perfect compliment to moderate drinking; that it's far better than drinking more booze---for health reasons; and self love reasons!

ThankGodGoddessUniverse! because cannabis is Healing to the body, mind, and spirit.

I reckon it ought to be used smartly, like booze! I am blessed in this because I only ever imbibe appropriately, responsibly, and very moderately.

Anywho, I think Push is happy, and I know I'm happy. And if I have Loved Push into revering moderate drinking?! Then I've Ruled My World.

WOW! It Works Like A Charm! I'm Back On Track!

   Per my previous post, I freely enjoyed 3 standard drinks last night, and it was easy! And FUN!
   And I did it while I was watching my guilty pleasure: "The Bachelor" --- cuz, well, I'm so old and above all the drama..... I can't enjoy it without a buzz! Or something like that!

   This month, for some reason, even though I'd been drinking only every-other day, I'd been drinking up to 7 drinks when I drank. I know there's a reason for this!!  But the important thing is that another new healing influence joined my life (see post below) just when I needed it most; guiding me back to the real ME.

   Will I keep this going? We shall see!

   I am learning that We Have More Power Than We Think and We Have More Influential Connections Than We Know To Help Us.

   What An Interesting Journey This Is !!!

Powerful Medicine

An Exercise from SARK from the Succulent Wild Body Cleanse.
Of course mine (my choice) was about drinking!
This was a private exercise not shared, as all the exercises are.
I want to share it with You!

Wise Self Gladly Speaks

1) Identify and invite your loudest inner critic (Perfectionist, Pusher, etc.)

    Pusher (and Perfectionist).

   See the Pusher and Perfectionist join you and sit in a chair in a different part of the room.

2) Ask this critic to reveal its list of concerns and complaints. Calmly take notes. Ask clarifying questions if you don't understand.

    "You can't drink moderately. You are an alcoholic. Your cravings and desires to drink up to 7 drinks are too strong to deny. You are a writer and writer's drink too much. Drinking too much is the only way you can feel satisfied. Drinking too much is the only way you can either celebrate something properly or escape from something properly. I Want More Booze! I Want Lots And Lots Of Booze And Pot! I Demand As Much Alcohol And Pot As I Want And Choose!"

3) Thank, honor and acknowledge this critic for all it has done for you.

   Thank You! Thank You Pusher/Perfectionist! Because of YOU I GET to be a drinker! When I was always told by CultAA that I couldn't! And thank you for keeping me on my toes and aware of how diligent and careful I must be so that I do not spiral out of control---which I am NOT doing! And thank you for reminding me about the incorrect way I have always looked at myself so that I can better learn how to integrate you into my soul! And thank you for loving me the only way you know how to! And thank you for never leaving me! And know that I will never leave you either! Know that you are not going away! You are integrating into a better part of me/us!! I Love You! And Honey, SEE and KNOW and FEEL that I and my Inner Wise Self are now in charge!!! So YOU get to R E L A X at long last!!! : )

4) Give this critic a new job or assignment.

    Your new job, my Beloved Pusher/Perfectionist, who I shall name "Push," is Just B R E A T H E, Have Fun, Enjoy The Ride With Me As A Moderate Drinker, 0-3, sometimes 4, rarely 5 (for now, later I may tap it down!) : )  WANT that; that is your Phenomenal New Job! LOVE being a moderate drinker! Crave it! Desire it! THIS is Your New Job, my Love! This Is  A VERY IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL (yet fun and relaxing!) JOB FOR YOU! And I NEED You and I NEED Your Help! : ) And TOGETHER the two of us will grow stronger and stronger and more powerful and much happier and much healthier! : D REMINDER: If You/I Don't Achieve This I Will Have To By Choice Quit Drinking Altogether!

5) Transform and reframe that list of concerns and complaints and control and demands of that Pusher/Perfectionist. You will arrive at the Marvelous Messy Middle! The feelings and thoughts of the critic will be there but you won't be at one extreme or the other, you'll be in the middle. In other words, the feelings will be manageable.

     A list of how I've done it beautifully.

    I've already done it again and again and again, as you clearly know: moderate drinking! I drink 0-3 drinks often! I'm a healthy drinker! I'm free from alcoholism! I'm strong! I'm Powerful! I easily control my behavior! I Am A B.I.T.C.H! = Babe In Total Control of Herself! :D It's a myth that all writers drink too much and that belief in the present is a belief from the old paradigm! Writers today take very good care of themselves! Like SARK! And are into self love and self nurturing! And So Am I! ....And as you also know, I always have and always will use medical cannabis sparingly the days I imbibe in it. : )

I Just Had A Major Insight About How And Why I

"Fill Up On Love" wise teachers teach!
I haven't known how to do that!
I have often filled-up on alcohol or food as a way to fill up with love.
I didn't know how to fill up on love.
When I'm surrounded by love it has been understandably a symbol of my loneliness and how I've been rejected by love.
No wonder I tend to retreat from love energy.
It often doesn't feel real to me even though it feels very good in the moment; like the love you get on Facebook for example.
Facebook love is plentiful in my communities, and genuine. : )
But I can only take it in in small doses
And then I'll find myself retreating into myself and wanting to drink; hopefully moderately.

I can see now that I'm going to learn how to and be able to fill up on love energy from people more and more, and on alcohol and food less and less.

This is another gift I'm receiving from being in SARK and Marnie Northrups "Succulent Wild Body Cleanse!"

They accept me as I am: disease-ridden with ME/CFS and Hashimotos Thyroiditis, and not being able to do the 3rd week of the cleanse because, as you can see by the recipes I crossed off on the menu, I'm unable to eat.

These are goitrogenic foods and fermented foods my health has "issues" with.
Last week I was able to work around the goitrogenic foods and use them sparingly, but this week I feel I ought to avoid them more, and this week fermented foods were added which I truly must avoid, even though I love them. (Remember my boasting about Kombucha and how I love it? Recently learned it's bad for me due to lactic acid.)

I had some milestones today that I want to and deserve to celebrate!
I immediately think of tequila! LOL!
But I had this insight I'm writing about, and even though I chose to drink, progress has been made, and things are going to change and blossom for me more and more. : )

Structured Water with 1 oz. of silver tequila and fresh squeezed orange juice. : ) (and Huck Finn!)

So Much To Report

But first, here's the SWBC cleanse menu for this week. It Rocks! ... For the most part...

Just between you and me, I'm drinking tequila today, and I had a cup-o-coffee this morning!
After all, it wasn't booze or coffee that gave me the large breast lump and thyroid cyst last summer, it was another cleanse I did that was a juicing cleanse; high goitrogenic food content; 28 days; I drank no coffee or alcohol, I ate no sugar.

As a person challenged with Hashimotos Thyroiditis and ME/CFS.... I have to be cautious about what I put into my body.

The SWBC (Succulent Wild Body Cleanse) does have goitrogenic foods, but nothing like the quantity the juice cleanse had. Those foods are OK for me occasionally.

Nonetheless, I was panicky this morning over having to eat them every day (root veggies, kale, spinach---to name a few goitrogenic foods).

The breast lump went away in three months last year, but the thyroid cyst hasn't yet. The breast lump went away because I upped my dose of iodine/iodide. Also, I use only Celtic Sea Salt.

Because I still have the thyroid cyst, I found myself in a panic this morning over continuing this SWBC cleanse. I allowed myself to have coffee this morning and the tequila later. I am still following the eating plan, but I am avoiding the goitrogenic foods. I got a LOT of support from Marnie on the Facebook page about this! This program is gentle, loving, and kind, meets you where you are at, and asks you to listen to your own body and needs always. It's a program about self love and nurturing.

LOL, I'm Practically Having To Force Myself To Drink Today

This AMAZING "Succulent Wild Body Cleanse" by Marnie Northrup and SARK (her artwork here)

is so unique and joy-full----and the first week, which ends today---has been so kind in letting you have a lot of freedom to prepare for the cleanse----that starts tomorrow (I shopped today!)---- that, it's absolutely Interesting that I'm (guilt-free allowing myself to drink moderately today) practically forcing myself to drink at all! : )

THATs how Powerful and effective this cleanse is so far, and that's another example of how far I've come in my drinking habits/desires!

To think that I used to be such a problem drinker for all those decades, and labeled an alcoholic; why, it's just been such a transmutational change.... must be Fifth Deminsional or something!

Nonetheless, I'm now doing my best to enjoy a couple Omission gluten-free beers! And maybe even followed by a shot or two of the Rain vodka I have left! ....Oh, yes, I'm actually enjoying the effects of the first beer very much now! : )

For me, the cleanse will not only help me take a break from booze, but will also help me tweak my eating habits and teach me some more healthy ways to eat. I HOPE I'll lose some weight! I'll try to get a picture in here of the first week's menu later!

So far this year I've been drinking every-other day, and drinking mostly moderately (1-4).

Did You Miss Me? ;)

I'm doing well! How are you doing? : )

The Marnie Northrup/SARK cleanse (previous post) is AWESOME. I'm so lucky and blessed to be a part of it!

Nonetheless!, I'm not quite ready yet to forego alcohol! <heehee>

No worries, it's a gentle-approach-cleanse and for the first of the four weeks there is much freedom and personal choice regarding eats and drink.

SUNDAY the cleanse starts and that is when I will freely and willingly give up drinking alcohol and coffee! I'll also forego sugar other than the fruits and honey that will probably be on the plan.

It's not that I'm lucky I will not go through withdrawals of any kind, it's that I've worked my way here over the years. Know what I mean? : )

Have you tried Rain? Wow, it's delightful in my Structured Water. But I have to report that I'm not drinking heavily, and I've been doing abstinence days regularly. And on New Year's Eve I only drank 1 1/2 glasses of champagne! : )

May You Be Blessed : )