My Drinking History: Over four decades of mostly problem drinking, five drunken-related arrests in my 20s (the early 80s), of abstinence and binge-drinking, of trying moderation and usually-or-often failing, of being immersed in almost every other recovery group out there, but of being mostly sober.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

I'm Looking Forward To Doing This

...Even if it means no alcohol for 28 days, I'm so totally up for that because it's easy for me to not drink, y'all. :D

I've been wanting to do another cleanse but none resonated until this one, which starts 1/4!


I listened to the video yesterday and took notes:

12/29/15
SARK Body Revolution with Marnie Northrup. The Wild Succulent Body Cleanse!
7 Questions:

1) DECIDE. What I want my experience of my body to be.
Is my body where I want it to be right now?:  Not fully
How do I want to feel?:   I want to feel good in my clothes, and sexy. I want to feel more comfortable naked.  Make the decision daily.

 2) LISTEN TO YOUR INNER WISDOM AND BODY AND TAKE ACTION FROM THERE.

3) ALLOW MY EMOTIONS TO BE MY GUIDE. 
Self care is tending to our emotions as they come up, little by little. E-Motions = energy.

4) TRANSFORM MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY INNER CRITIC. She's always present wanting me to be perfect.
Don't need to put my life on hold till I have the perfect body. It creates our physiology.

5) CREATE BEAUTIFUL BOUNDARIES. It's OK to take up space!
Our bodies will do it for us if we don't (take up space). I deserve to feel that space with love. The appropriate uses of the words No and Yes can make more room for love.

6) RELEASE WHAT CAN FEEL LIKE A WAR WITH OUR BODY AND LIVE IN A JOYFUL SOLUTION. Be in a loving, juicy, wild relationship with our bodies, and nurture it.

7) CELEBRATE THE PERFECTION OF MY BODY AND ALL THE BODIES AROUND ME.
:D
And celebrate my progress too!

SARKs Love Notes:
Dearest sweet darling adorable Susan....

Dear beautiful, talented, creative, wise, succulent, happy woman, Judy,
I see the grand strides you are making to heal your life and your body and to become the happy, evolved person you truly are, and I am so proud of you! I love you more than words can say. I love how you roll with the punches. I love how you bounce back quickly from your imperfections and mistakes and flood yourself with love and I love yous to your beautiful heart when you falter. I love how you never give up on yourself, your life, and your healing.
More later!!

xo, Judy

(It's me, Jaya!) :D

My daughter's bff's hat and 1D record player : )

Saturday, December 26, 2015

OMG! 'Tis The Perfect Day For Drinking!

Who Knew?! :D

Who Knew the day after Christmas is the Perfect day for solitude, reflection, and drinking?! :D

As a newly-formed moderate drinker, I certainly didn't know what a treasure was awaiting me on this calendar day! :D

I'm blissed-out up in here! :D

(I'm so fucking Blessed!!) :D

All Is Right With The World! :D

Peace
Quiet
Solitude
Beer
Tequila
Moderation
My laptop
My little family happy in their own solitudes

:D

Day After Christmas Heaven


'Twas Indeed A Moderate-Drinking Christmas! : )

I had 3 drinks on Christmas Eve, and 1 drink on Christmas!
Here's some pics of our holiday:



Monday, December 21, 2015

I Trust That This Is Lasting Moderation :D

Just a note for those new to my blog. :)

I KNOW my being a moderate drinker is here to stay, for several reasons! :D (But, yes, time will tell!)

Some of the reasons in random order:

  • My little family sees it and trusts the change!
  • I FEEL that things have shifted in my mind and body
  • I no longer crave alcohol; I'm simply an "alcohol enthusiast" like MSNBCs Rachel Maddow and thousands of others!
  • I no longer desire to drink more than my personally designed drinking plan         (0-3-or-4 standard drinks, seldomly 5-6---when it's appropriate to party hearty!)
  • I frequently drink only 0, or 1, or 2 standard drinks when I drink
  • There Is Absolutely NO "White-Knuckling" Goin' On
  • I Magically, Miraculously switched to drinking moderately one month ago on the heels of several months of drinking heavily*

....*That last one has NEVER happened before. For decades the only time I could moderate my drinking was after being alcohol-free for a long time; and then, it would never last; I'd always get right back to problem drinking within a couple of weeks.


PLEASE email me your experiences if you are a moderate drinker who conquered a drinking problem (anonymously if you want), and I'll include your story in the book I'm going to write. :D


jaya.rainbow.angel@gmail.com


By The Time I Write A Book About This, I'll Truly Know Fer Sure If Moderation Is Holding For Me!

Last night I drank half a beer. Geeez, what an alchi!  ...NOT! :D

I really want to turn this blog into a book.
Moderation success stories..... truly Major transformation stories are exciting, and needed in the world!
Helping to integrate the very flawed "Recovery Movement Mentality" into the earth's new 5th dimensional way of being is needed too!
Things DO get better and become integrated. In other words, it's not loving to destroy the ego, and besides, it doesn't serve anything or anyone. It's loving to allow discordant energy to be transmuted and integrated into a higher vibration.

I hope to hear from others, but so far, no bites.

Are there not enough moderation success stories yet?
Are people just shy? Even if they remain anonymous?

Perhaps a book like mine would be very ground-breaking then!

I can't wait to get started!

My working title is "F U CAA! (F@%k You CultAA!)"

LOL!, I love it! Dunno if I'd be able to get away with it or not!

I don't apologize for being Very Opinionated about AA; they caused me So Much Harm, and they ARE responsible for hundreds of suicides (if not more).  Research the links in the right margin.
Even during my own decades in and out of the cult, I heard of many friends ending their lives. They felt like hopeless losers and failures because they 'couldn't grasp this simple program!'

But, believe me, my book is NOT going to be an AA-bashing session, I'm only going to make references to AA, and will try to be kind and non-judgmental. My book will be mostly POSITIVE and HAPPY about STRENGTH and TRANSFORMATION, and thoughts about believing in oneself and the Power in that. .....Mostly, it's going to simply be the story of my personal experiences in my very long journey with alcohol, which proved to be the greatest challenge of my life!

The Happy Ending to the book is TRUE.  And it's SO amazing and miraculous. Who woulda thunk it!


jaya.rainbow.angel@gmail.com

Sunday, December 20, 2015

I Had Such Fun Last Night! :D ---- And A Request

Wow, this drinking life just gets better and better!

Not only do I get to enjoy moderating regularly: 0-3 or 4 standard drinks, but I get to over-indulge once in a while, with No Problem! :D

(Again, take THAT CultAA!) ;)

I did not expect that! I mean, I did expect to not be perfect and to have 5 or 6 drinks at times, but I didn't expect it to be consequence-free for me. In other words, sometimes it's simply time to party hearty! I didn't have any consequences in the night, and no hangover today. That might be because the drinking/smoking cannabis experience was such a happy one, and also because of the two 5mg Valiums I took at bedtime. That stuff is a great aid in times like this. (I have always used Valium very lightly and a 30-pill Rx will last me two years sometimes, and will always last no less than 3 months, but usually it's quite a bit longer. I don't just take it when I've had too much to drink, you see, I sometimes take one to help me fall asleep when I'm having trouble doing so.) .....Not to mention that the last 2 drinks of 6 were silver tequila, not beer like the first 4 (silver tequila being easier on my system). ....I started drinking early yesterday; 3 pm! That's because I had presents to wrap and it helps ease the pain in my hips and lower back when sitting cross-legged on the floor. The times I had only 1 drink this month were the times I was wrapping presents!)

All this POSITIVITY does for me is motivate and inspire me to moderate even more, even better.

I see myself drinking less and less as the months go on.

Last night, watching John Lennon's 75th Birthday Special with all those FANTABULOUS artists performing Lennon's AMAZING songs-----it was like I was 22 again! Partying gives me the energy and body-painlessness to dance my ass off ! I was 23 when he transitioned to the other side; he is still so very much alive and part of us, and last night proved it! I loved seeing Yoko and hearing her few and so perfectly appropriate words last night. What a deep bond those two still have: TRUE Twin Souls!!

I also performed an act of good citizenship in my neighborhood last night, but that's another story!

I've absolutely GOTTA write a book based on this blog.

IF YOU ARE A FELLOW SUCCESSFUL MODERATOR WITH A STORY OF RECOVERY, PLEASE EMAIL ME! I'D LOVE TO INCLUDE YOUR STORIES AND EXPERIENCES IN MY BOOK! ANONYMITY IS FINE!

jaya.rainbow.angel@gmail.com




Saturday, December 19, 2015

P.S.

I'm watching "Imagine:John Lennon 75th Birthday" on AMC  !

And just earlier this evening I gave the magazine to my surrogate son, my youngest daughter's bff, for his Christmas present !


I Made A Conscious Decision To Get Drunk Tonight : )

I'm enjoying it now but I may not feel the same way in the night and in the morning!

This is only the third time this month I haven't moderated; a true successful moderation story in the making!

I keep track on my calendar:



Thursday, December 17, 2015

Actually, One Single Beer Was The Way To Go Last Night

Wow, one Omission gluten-free Pale Ale at 6:30 while sitting cross-legged on the floor wrapping Christmas presents was better than abstaining. It eased the physical aches in my hips and lower back, and it eased the bit of stress I happened to be in then. And then I guess it was the hops that helped me have a perfect night's sleep last night. (That's why hops-blend tea is recommended two or three hours before bedtime, btw.)

Hmm, though, I still don't see myself becoming a daily drinker, even if it's just 1!

GO MODERATION!

When we act according to our own values, we have integrity.

My drinking values are 0-3, sometimes 4.


Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Anybody Want Some Edibles?


Candy_Hearts

I tried one after drinking 4 of my 6-pack of beer (Omission Gluten-Free; yum). And btw, another shout-out to myself for the total self-control that is now mine.

I'd tried one of these 10 mg THC candy hearts a month ago, and it had the same effect, so now I know fer sure. Everyone is different, but for me it causes insomnia, and now my morning plans are ruined on account of I'm bushed. At least the high was pleasant and didn't create anxiety. Maybe these would be good for people who imbibe during the day.

I'm not big into any cannabis products anymore. Sometimes I'll have a few tokes on my vape pen at night to help me sleep, and for the buzz. Sometimes I'll use CBD tincture for aches and pains.

Looking forward to another abstinence day today. : )

I'm telling ya, my blog is going to become obsolete!

Monday, December 14, 2015

. . .

Well, I suppose it will happen sometimes!

Last night I simply chose to polish off the bottle I had, as well as treat lower back pain.

I'm not worried about my moderation ability!

Today will be an enjoyable 0 day, just like the day before yesterday!


Sunday, December 13, 2015

You Are The Only One Who Gets To Know This Right Now

You know who you are.

I've enjoyed 5 shots of tequila today! :D

But I am still moderating

And I'm Happy and Proud and Confident !

And I will Always tell you the truth --- even if you are not ready to tell ME the truth !

It's All Good !

OMG --- this Premium Bubba Kush cannabis is the bomb too! :)

It was the most beautiful and perfect day ever today!
My perfectforme wonderful beautiful little family and I bought and decorated our Christmas Tree!
Perhaps later than usual because the patriarch just returned from Finland!

Here are a couple of pictures of our perfectbeautiful tree ............ oh man, it's raining right now!
Hallelujah ! ! !

......Where was I ? .....

Who knows and who cares!

I Love Life!!!

O! Now I remember! Our tree, the one we happy four bought from Home Depot and decorated this evening... I walked out into the living room this evening and saw a HEART ornament vibrating! My daughter saw it too! (BTW, I swear I'm from the planet Arcturius or something) ( is that the planet that is about hearts? ) (because I see hearts Everywhere, in Everything!)

These pictures were taken after-the-fact so don't be lookin' for no movement from the heart ornament !



Saturday, December 12, 2015

LPP Still In The House --- Rockin' It!

(Link in right margin)
I'm sharing many of the choicest responses from my coach, Shelly, from
Module 5: Resources

I continue to strongly recommend the Life Process Program as the Perfect tool and resource to help people overcome any kind of "addiction" or bad habit!

.I wholeheartedly believe that people possess within themselves the resources to tackle challenges that come up in their lives. I just dont think a lot people realize and utilize their own ability to access these resources when they need them. LPP works hard at aiding people by helping them find those inner strengths and resources, some that have yet to be discovered or have lied dormant for many years; we have the privilege through our work to see people become successful by learning to become their own advocate in life and agent of change.


Many people want a little more inner strength so that they dont abuse or fall prey to the excess of any addictive habit--there are too many to list as discussed in previous module reflection:) When emotions are strong in a persons life, either good or bad, they are diluted somewhat after an intense exercise session. This is a strong tool for achieving emotional balance. When you work out really hard and exercise with great intensity, it sort of turns down the volume of those emotions. They may still be there but they are far less important--they are less damaging. They cannot hurt you or affect you as much because the exercise is so intense. This could involve traditional exercise or even meditative practices. When I think of exercise and speak of it, I am speaking of it in either a physical sense or emotional sense as is seen with mental exercises; this is a personal preference available for everyone and whatever their life conditions are.


With respect to the FOO, do you FINALLY hold the power now in those relationships? I want you to challenge yourself when vulnerable FOO moments come, to recognize which part of you is feeling stuck or inferior, and align your inner self with your own power and control. Make sense? In some relationships the balance of power needs to shift at times, but only if to do so is less toxic and allows you to operate in a collective health.


Every relationship that we have is an emotional investment. Sometimes when we put our energy into the wrong things, we grow distance between us and the very things or people that we feel we need and dont want to lose in our lives. But who we emotionally invest ourselves in, are the relationships that support us and help sustain us the most during hard times. So the shift is now happening for you Jaya, where you are now putting much more effort into your primary relationships, and finally onto yourself, instead of other things. You know what the right things are now: love, patience, attention, focusing on those closest to you. Loved ones may still have their guard down, but if there is anything that can break down an emotional wall that has been built for self preservation and protection, it is LOVE--the unconditional kind goes a long way. I have a lot of hope for you and your situation with your loved ones=)


Which coping skills have improved the most, Miss Jaya? What changes did you have to make with your mindset to get as far as you are today with maintaining good use of problem solving and coping skills. Are there still struggles with emotional reactivity and jumping to assumptions?--which is fear-based living.--Im stretching you to look at this area, because I care of course!


Which skills (problem-solving and coping skills) do you identify right now as being ones that are the most difficult for you or that you feel you need better practice and management of?


You have done FABULOUS! We all can improve in one way or another. I sense that you have been wanting and ARE successfully building your coping skills up to a level where they are on autopilot in your mind, to respond and kick in when the situation requires it to, as well as being present and mindful or aware of what your emotional triggers are and what you are thinking and feeling. ALWAYS dare to challenge your inner critic--a part of yourself that can really sneak up on you--Remember that emotional reactivity arises out of the quality of our thought life.


Notice that when you exceed your healthy moderation level of drinking, youre giving it power and allowing IT to cope with circumstances in your life, instead of you, to the extent that the self management skills tend to go out the window! Choosing which thoughts and memories you want to feed with more attention and energy, and which ones serve no purpose to continue to do that for or replay in your mind over and over, is a lesson worth learning and gaining more proficiency in. Nobody wants to feel controlled by their life circumstances or people. I want your life story to include the worst of these memories because I want to help you successfully work through them so they arent continuing to control your life, especially your future.


OH OH...want to add...when any type of stress or triggers to stress sneak up on you, remember that--Mental stress is based on fear and is sometimes rooted in shame or guilt - based thinking! Our spiritual self--as you know--lives in a container of centeredness and self love:) So I really want you to monitor that for me closely right now. Lets work together on growing in this area of your life.


I think the key in this area is to find a way to live comfortably, while also gaining satisfaction from the work you are doing. I wish you could start perhaps leaving a donation area on your blogspot since it is so active and GROWING!! Youre a natural writer:)  -----------> You heard the coach, readers! Donate-up when I get that set-up! ;) HeeHee!


You are proving to be at a good place where you are now using more mindfulness techniques to ease overwhelming thoughts and memories that are associated with negative feelings that may come on occasion. What will help your memory centers of the brain right now, is continuing to focus on strengthening the following skills: mindfulness, goal-setting, measuring your goals, exploring values and holding yourself to them, future planning and anticipation, strengthening relationships with loved ones, and reframing negativity into positivity--immediately when you feel a moment of mental assault come on!

More thoughts that I would like to throw out there: When we are worried, we are focused on the wrong thing. Usually we are focused on the outcome we DONT want to have happen. We focus on these negative what ifs and help create that outcome by giving so much attention to it. Our brains try to find us more thoughts that match the things we think about. If you are thinking about something, even if you dont want it to happen, your brain helps create it for you. When you have more and more worry, you create neural pathways for it. Eventually it impacts your other thoughts and turns you into a worrier and you overflow your mental river banks with negative thinking. This week: I want you to ask yourself these questions--How much worrying do I do? Keep track of all the things you worry about for a full day. Write them down. Now assess them carefully. Are they really things you need to worry about, or are you wasting your time and energy worrying about things that are a) unimportant or b) not likely to happen?



Thursday, December 10, 2015

WIGGLE ROOM

Well now, I even seem to have unintentionally created some wiggle room for myself in my moderation plan!

Yesterday morning, in my fun conversation with my separated-bff-husband in Finland on a business trip!, he was so alive and happy and a little bit drunk because they HAD to drink cuz they jumped into the FREEZING water in a hole cut in the ice! Then they ran into the hot sauna!

I simply wanted to symbolically party with him last night! So I allowed myself a 4th drink---I had homemade silver tequila lemonade (never made that before, it was yum)---I had one drink per hour. I was feeling so fine and happy, I wanted another! But then I remembered that NO I didn't! If I did I would suffer in the night and the next morning! So I easily stopped.

And THEN I realized! Hey! I'm still moderating even though I went beyond my new 0-3 plan! : )
Cuz 4 is also moderating. So, how cool that when I go over my new mods limit of 3 by having 4 I'm still in my previous mods limit! No consequences in the night or this morning!

I'm Creating A Really Perfect Drinking Life For Myself And I LOVE It!

In case I didn't mention it in a while, when I say 0-3, that does indeed include nights I only drink 1 or 2; which happens frequently; as well as 0 happens frequently, like tonight will be.

Much Love To All
Much Success In Creating The Substance Use Of Your Dreams


Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I'm SO PROUD Of Myself !!

Seriously? I Can Hardly Believe It Myself, My Moderation Success Story!

But, nonetheless, It's Real! And It's True!

For the past Two weeks I've been consistently moderate,
And the week before that I was mostly moderate, except for two days,
And in the past three weeks I've enjoyed six 0 days,
but three of those were during this past week; so that's more progress!

Also, this past week I've successfully had no more than 3 drinks (standard drinks),
which means I've successfully changed MY moderation from 0-4 drinks to 0-3!
(I put MY in caps because everyone has to choose for themselves what moderation is.)

And an IMPORTANT factor is that it's being EASY and EFFORTLESS!
I'm not kidding!
There's NO "white-knuckling" nuthin!
I'm drinking this way because I truly WANT to and it FEELS GOOD!
It's So Easy to Stop drinking more now!

Shit, I should write a book!
Maybe I will!

WOW, if I could rescue other problem drinkers from CultAA and the Recovery Movement Mentality in general? That would ROCK!
And by "rescue" I really mean Help People Rescue Themselves!

Gosh, when I think about what a LUSH I was for the past decades during non-alcohol-free periods!, it blows my mind!

I should mention that I seem to have lost interest in cannabis products the past couple of weeks, and have barely touched them. But cannabis was never a problem for me anyway.


Monday, December 7, 2015

No News IS Good News!

<yawn> b o r i n g  report here!

Still successfully drinking either 0 or 1 or 2 or 3 standard drinks each day!

And LOVING it!

Seriously, if I can do this, sooo many others can!

FUCK AA!!!! (there's a long story here) : )


MODERATION IS KING!
MODERATION IS EVERYTHING!

Friday, December 4, 2015

Just Checking In



This blog could become obsolete, huh!  W o r t h  it---if so!

My present moderation plan: 0-3 standard drinks. 'Twas 0-4. And I had a lot of trouble drinking less than 6-8 on drinking days pre-Thanksgivingtime those many weeks, remember? And then I sent that bye-bye letter to my FOO (family of origin), and, as if a curse was broken, started drinking moderately again. Shit, if you knew my entire drinking history, you'd understand what a Miracle that truly is. : )

But... you gotta stay tuned... for a while.... to see how it actually goes!!

Also new for me: I don't start drinking until 5pm on drinking days, and it's effortless to wait that long. I would very often start with a liquid lunch and proceed from there, or I'd start around 3pm. And I really enjoyed getting my buzz-on during the days I drank like that! So this is totally RADICAL what I'm doing here; the past many days; with many 0 days thrown in (I love my 0 days!)!

I'm halfway through this new beer I picked up at Whole Foods (treat us to shopping there once a month):


May You Be Blessed!