Oh How I Love A Good Challenge

BTW, just for the record? : )  I had four 0 days (substance-free) in the past week, and that is something I hadn't done for months. So, I think I actually might ace this drinking only once a week thing! I do confess now though that the three days I drank I drank to excess and GAWD did I suffer physically and mentally and emotionally in the night and the next day... even though during "party time" it was a blast. I Can Do So Much Better Than That

In AA and the rest of the recovery movement mentality, we have been taught for decades that the thoughts such as those I expressed in my previous post, are a form of DENIAL, Rationalization, and Justification (as in for an alcoholic to try anything to keep drinking).

And they'd have us believe that the bottom line is that we're "alcoholics" who "CAN'T drink!"

But I'm telling you,
That Kind Of Thinking Is Old Paradigm!

This is the New Paradigm!
This is the 5th Dimension!
This is Quantum Powers available to us time!
This is about not putting limits on ourselves!
This is about achieving whatever we truly believe and trust we can achieve and think we deserve!

Not to mention how Grateful I am to have learned just recently from Jack Canfield and Dave Andrews of The 30 Day Sobriety Solution (link in right margin) the latest government research that says most problem drinkers are NOT alcoholic---as AA and the Recovery Movement Mentality would have you believe and teaches you that you are---only 10% of problem drinkers are alcoholics.

There are SO MANY "Recovery" Groups, alcohol-free groups, that are based in the old paradigm way of thinking. You know, groups like CultAA, Women For Sobriety, Life Ring, SMART, Rational Recovery, to name a few I've been immersed in over the years.

Until next time, soberly yours, Jaya

I Have Such A Fun New Idea : )

Born solely from desire,
My plan is to drink only once a week!
I wonder how long it will take me to achieve it?
I have such good help,
And such good tools,
Between The 30 Day Sobriety Solution (link in right margin),
And Jean Houston's course I'm in, Unlock Your Quantum Powers. Link
In my vast experience with drinking and sobriety,
When I want one thing more than the other thing I'm successful!
Like all the times I've quit drinking;
I wanted sobriety more than I wanted to drink so it worked.
In 2014 it was easy for me to drink just once a week. That was following 2013 when I drank once a month, and 2012 when I was alcohol-free (as well as cannabis; when I quit one, I quit the other; that's just me).
But NOW?,
Now I have this momentum built up,
This habit of drinking quite often.
I don't think it's going to be a cakewalk to change; to achieve my goal!
But I had three 0 drink days this week, so I'm already halfway there!
My, I Surely Do Want It!
I Surely Do Want To Drink Only Once A Week!
More Than I Want To Drink More Than Once A Week!

Water!

Rethinking Champagne --- That Is, Recalculating The Drink Count

GOSH, what a shocker.
All this time I thought I was only drinking 4 standard drinks when I enjoyed a bottle of Wilson Creek Almond Champagne.
What a disappointment to learn today that I was actually drinking 5 standard drinks. : (

As you know, it's calculated by alcohol content.
Wilson Creek has 11% alcohol.
Which equals 5 standard drinks in a 25 oz. bottle (750ml).
(Be Aware: Most standard bottles of wine are 7 or 8 standard drinks due to most often 12.5%–14.5% alcohol content!)(So when women say they drink a bottle of wine; you know, how lots of women drink a bottle of wine at night; ....you get the picture!)(I Had No Idea!)(Oh GodGoddessUniverse, those poor women! They deserve better!; ie: less alcohol!)

Luckily,
I learned this after buying a bottle of Ballatore Moscato Rose Sparkling Wine today.
Only 8% alcohol.
4 standard drinks in the bottle.
AND it's 3 or 4 dollars cheaper!

It's so important to me to count drinks and to be accurate.

And this new awareness about the Wilson Creek explains a lot of things regarding how it effected me when I drank a bottle!

I still drink my booze with lots of Structured Water (link in right margin) because it helps EVERYTHING: It neutralizes all the toxins, it keeps you hydrated--which prevents hangovers too, and it gives the booze a bigger punch which does help you control how much you drink!

Oh Goody Gumdrops! : )

Following two days of substance-free
(Because it felt so good by choice)

Let me freely suggest

A really good booze substitute:

Coconut water
Mercola Whey Protein Powder
1/2 banana
Mixed berries
Almond butter
Structured Water

Yum Yum
Satisfying
Healthy
Filling!

Stops you from wanting more booze
And stops you from craving booze when you're having an alcohol-free day

Stop It Stop It Stop It

Stop referring to people with problem drinking as "alcoholics"
That helps No One

Only 10% of problem drinkers are alcoholics

That means they can change

Stop It Stop It Stop It !

Stop calling problem drinkers alcoholics and condemning them for life into a lie.

One example:  Johnny Manziel, NFL Pro

And how on The Dr. Oz Show, during the latest stunning conversation with Charlie Sheen, Dr. Oz said in reference to Manziel,

"I love talking to alcoholics, for example, who have stopped drinking, because they have insights I can't possibly garner."

Whether or not Oz had a conversation with Manziel or not (and I'm not into football, but this story caught my attention), Stop Calling Problem Drinkers Alcoholics!

Just STOP It!!!

That's SOOOO old paradigm.
That's SOOOO CultAA-speak

Only 10% of problem drinkers are alcoholic.

I'm So Grateful I'm Honoring My Vows To Self

(1) From several years ago: Never to go back to CultAA or other recovery movement mentality groups that demand dependency upon them
And 2) Never to do an abs-30 again)

I'm so grateful that even though I lost control of my drinking I didn't fall back into the old pattern of black and white, all or nothing thinking. I'm glad, though I may have been tempted to break my vow of never abstaining from drinking for 30 days, I didn't give-in; I know I'm stronger than that.
And I Know I Ought To Trust My Own Vow!

I explained in a link in the previous post why I made that vow.

Yes, I did get to the place where I am sick of drinking! Hurray that it's holding, and I'm thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying these last two consecutive substance-free days.

I think it's the powerful Creative Visualization technique I did that I learned in The 30 Day Sobriety Solution (link in right margin), where I clearly saw, felt, knew, etc. myself as a successful Sobrietist, that might have been a catalyst for this change. And I think because the over-drinking I did a couple days ago after doing that powerful visualization, just couldn't be a vibrational match for my being anymore. Yay!

It's fun being a Sobrietist who gets to call the shots about whether she drinks or not!
No outside pressure from any other source to drink or not to drink or how many days not to drink in a row!; Just Me!

That's Not The End Of The Story Last Night

I'm sad and sorry to say alcohol ruined a healing day after all, because I lost control and drank 1 1/2 more drinks. I had Jordan buy booze for me (beer) because I told him I was going to drive if he didn't. I was already drunk and stoned. I wish he didn't bring me more booze. I wish he would have just come over and spent time with me instead until the cravings passed. It wasn't more alcohol I needed, it was attention and caring. Now we're in an argument and I accused him of not loving me. I'm not proud of a couple of my posts on Facebook last night either. I woke up hating myself to pieces and sick of drinking.

I'm ready for a break from booze.

Wish I didn't have that deep block/hang-up CultAA gave me, preventing me from abstaining for 30 days; making me VOW not to even, but I do. A previous post: i-had-to-look-really-deep-to-figure-it-out  At least I'm completely comfortable with being substance-free for a while!

Trying to:    

I just ran out of alcohol
And I didn't panic at all! : )
I don't mind at all! : )
I'm drinking tonight in celebration of the most beautiful and healing day for my little family of  Harmony House !
And it's all Good ! : )

It's Just So Good To Enjoy Sobriety Again

Not that going on a binge is necessarily bad; there's a gift in it as well.
But I sure am glad to be back as a Sobrietist, let me tell you, there's nothing better.
Do whatever it takes to become a Sobrietist; and define that for yourself.
For me it's drinking 0-4 standard drinks when I drink.
And those 0 days are practically my favorite.

But I sure do love this gif!:

Tapping, anyone?

You may or may not have heard about EFT Tapping?

Seems learning this technique vanquishes so many things including, cravings, anxiety, strong emotions, physical pain.

Helpful video: Tapping Technique With Jack Canfield

Gosh What A Great Day

So much to report!

You know I'll be as brief as possible! : )  I abhor long blog posts!

First of all, as hoped-for and expected, my life was basically reborn after Valentine's Day... and more specifically, after the hardest time on the calendar year; mid-November through mid-February.

This is ONLY because of my abusive FOO and my love life. My holidays and birthday with my little family are always AWESOME! : )  I'm so blessed!

I want to report again how spectacular "The 30-Day Sobriety Solution" program continues to be (link in right margin).

I haven't been consistent in doing a chapter a day, but that's OK----go at your own pace.

I did Chapter 12 in the book and (free) interactive online community today, and it was SO POWERFUL and POTENT.

I always do the work substance-free.

If you want to read why I won't do the suggested abstain-for-30-days read this: blog post link

It's really starting to take-hold that reprogramming the subconscious mind and your belief system is actually going to work to make wanted changes and achieve desired goals. And this program is going to be very effective in teaching me how to do that.

Not only that, but I'm blessed to be taking Jean Houston's "Unlock Your Quantum Powers" Course as well.

NOT to mention, that the love of my life came back into my life and our friendship will continue. Something shifted for me, something happened, like Divine Intervention or something, and it's going to be better than ever being just friends (across the miles).

Ta-ta for now!

Everyone needs to feel this way as often as they can muster!:

Can't Think Of A More Perfect Way For Me To Spend VALENTINE'S DAY Than Getting Hammered

Just sayin'

See the last few posts on my other blog (link in right margin), if you don't understand me

Jesus! (whom I do love), this is the first time I've smoked med weed in the day time! And I'm lovin' it.
I've been wanting to use more cannabis and less alcohol for a couple years now?, as I rarely use cannabis, even when I drink, and then only at night in small amounts

I simply recognize it as a healthier choice for myself

But today? I also had some tequila shots mixed with orange juice and lots of Structured Water (link in right margin)

I had a few shots already cuz I started around 10:30 a.m. --- This Is A First!!!
So, now I'm throwing-in a good Indica strain of pot, and, yes indeedy, a very good choice!

I HATE drinking too much. : )
I truly, truly do, and have no desire to drink too much very often at all ....DUH! The whole point of this Blog!

FUCK V-Day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus Christ!! Tomorrow I'll be FREE!

It's been a hell of a four-month-ride during the holidays and my birthday on account of my FOO (family of origin), and my love life.

....Guess I'll get back to watching Saturday Night Live on my DVR!

Death By Alcohol Is Not The Worst Idea In The World --- Happy Valentine's Day !

Just Sayin!

Can I Say Something? It Will Probably Ruffle A Few Feathers Though

Where to begin.

I mean FUCK, I'm living the healthiest way I know how without being a fucking Puritan. BUT...

It just irks me to my core that I'm working my butt off to simply drink consistently moderately and being so hard on myself about it often, when I see the rest of the world eating shit regularly; absolute non-nutritional garbage that harms their health and is slowly killing and dumbifying them.

I was in line with my bottle of champagne a couple days ago at Smart & Final behind a mom and her adorable toddler, both overweight, and her cart was full of poison. It tears me apart, I must say. And what's most probably true is that she's absolutely clueless about what she's doing and about the "food" she's buying for her family due to no fault of her own. In her cart: processed foods, all GMO, most of them sugar-loaded, chemical-loaded, trans-fat-loaded.

And also the fucking MEDS half the population pill-pops.

Both these do so much more harm to health than drinking does. (Not talking about alcoholics.)
Latest case in point: Rheumatoid Arthritis meds killed Eagles band member Glen Frey. He was only 67. FuckThatShit!  mercola.com/rheumatoid-arthritis-med-indicated-in death-of-Frey

I don't even drink contaminated (chemical-laden) alcohol beverages; I drink as clean as I can, as pure as I can, and I drink all my booze with Structured Water, which neutralizes any toxins and keeps me hydrated. (Link in right margin)

If 1 in 3 people have a drinking problem, 1 in 2 have a meds problem; from pain killers to anxiety meds and everything in-between, and even anti-depressants. We're a pill-popping nation and it's killing us.

But, hey, it's perfectly socially acceptable, it's the norm, and so the country is perfectly content with it. Thanks to Big Pharma, of course.

I'm guilty too. I take low-dose Valium (5 mg) when I go to bed the times I blow my moderation limit and drink 5-7 drinks. I do this to prevent panic attacks in the night from alcohol poisoning, and to help me sleep after too much booze. And I'm dependent on Afrin Nose Spray because I can't breathe without  it due to severe allergies or something; but I dilute it by half with Structured Water.

WATCH THIS: www.thrivemovement.com/solutions-toward-thriving-world

O Esophagus, My Esophagus!

"O Captain, my Captain!" ~ Dead Poets Society

Dearest Friend My Esophagus ~

         You decided for me last night that my Exempt Period (previous post) is over now! And I thank you! After all, of COURSE I'm strong enough to drink only moderately or abstain even though Valentines Day is still looming!

         You screamed in pain during my sleep last night to "wake me up", didn't you, esophagus? To say, "Hey, listen to me, you have over-done drinking for long enough, and I need your loving attention!"

         I'm blessed with a sensitive body (to many things; emotionally too), and one of them is my esophagus. I'm lucky, because if it were my liver it would take a hell of a longer period of time of drinking too much for it to notify me. As it is, my liver is healthy, and I intend on keeping it that way.

         So, after over two months of often drinking too much (in my case 5-7 standard drinks), you will hurt; the alcohol is irritating you, even with Structured Water in the drinks. Yes, we have asked the doctor about you, but she's not worried because the pain happens so rarely. Sometimes it happens (actually, it most often happens, a few times a year) when I swallow chicken! Dunno if that's a cosmic joke of some kind!

         Anyway, I love you my esophagus, my body, and myself enough to LISTEN to the signs and cues I'm given.

         I'm Very Excited And Grateful to make the decision, because of you, to not drink too much for a while! Hopefully a long while! And to end my Exempt Period early. And I will continue to change myself and my life and transition into a consistent moderate drinker of 0-4. Preferably, no more than 3, ultimately. Thankfully, my 8 ounces. of java in the mornings are AOK with you! : )

         Today will definitely be an enjoyable 0 day! : )

                                All My Love And Gratitude, Jaya

P.S. I'm very sorry for hurting you!!!

Keepin' it healthy!

Exempt Period: Mid November - Mid February

I'm brand new at this, you remember
This blog
Learning to moderate drinking consistently

At this time I have recognized something
Exempt Months
Months that are exempt from requiring consistent moderate drinking

And THAT has been what's been going on
And is why I'm struggling since December to moderate more

For me, and I'm positive Many Others
When you have issues with your FOO (family of origin) and your love life
This is the most difficult period in the calendar year

For me it's
Thanksgiving
Christmas
New Years
My Birthday
Valentines Day

Look
I keep getting more and more honest with myself
And insights continue to be revealed

I will figure it out

Either that, or my Exempt Period will remain my Exempt Period until something radical changes in those two categories: FOO or love life.

But in my drinking experience while practicing drinking, this latest now deemed Exempt Period has been the most successful one I've ever had! It has been the most controlled, moderate drinking in my history of mid-November - mid February.

....Wait, no, 2013-2014 were the best. And 2012 I was alcohol-free.

I feel sooo much more relaxed in my body, and sooo much more confident that that must mean I've stumbled onto a truth.


The Little Engine That Could

P.S. About The Book/Program

I've noticed strongly, 8-days-in, that even though this book/program,

The 30 Day Sobriety Solution -- How To Cut Back Or Quit Drinking In The Privacy Of Your Own Home (link in right margin)

attempts to be for both options?

It really isn't.

It's clearly and obviously bent towards quitting drinking.

Yeah, I feel a bit duped, but these good, well-intentioned folks are also victims of The Recovery Movement Mentality just like the rest of us are. And the thinking of the well written book, that has amazing insights and offerings, is definitely mostly stuck in old paradigm thinking. Meaning, if you are a problem drinker your only course is to quit drinking.

I'm not giving up on the program yet though. I'm learning and growing in it.



All I can say is

I Guess It's Up To Me To Write The Book About Transforming Into A Moderate Drinker

Movie Of My Life Exercise

I really enjoyed doing this action step today on Day 8 from The 30 Day Sobriety Solution (link in right margin)!:

What upsets me the most in watching that character in the movie that is me is how she is blinded to how magnificent she truly is, how powerful she really is, what a phenomenal survivor she surely is, the genuine healer she was born to be, And That She Can't See She Already CAN Master Alcohol And Her Drinking! And what she Keeps Doing To Herself (and others) because she can't see that she is fully capable of living the moderate drinking life of her dreams and of never having to punish herself again with over-drinking.

The hero of mine sitting next to me while I was watching The Movie Of My Life that popped into mind first was Shirley MacLaine! When I ask her what she thought of the person in the movie, do you know what she said?

"She's Perfect. Just The Way She Is. She's An Inspiration And An Exemplar. And, the only Denial she's ever been in regarding alcohol is believing that she can't control her drinking."

Went From Not Feeling Good About Myself Today To This

A 0 day for me. First one since my birthday last Sunday. Today is Saturday. It  feels really good.

It seems to me that my problems are so small and so easy to fix. So why do I make it so difficult? Cuz I'm just trying to have fun? Yes, cuz I'm just trying to have fun.

If it's this easy to drink 0, and if my only problem is a mere 1-3 drinks (over my mods limit), I must stop being so hard on myself,  and I must start seeing that I really don't have a problem. I really simply have choices.

And I'm So Lucky that drinking just 1-3 drinks beyond my mods limit of 4 makes me suffer so much physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually in the night and the next day. I'm lucky because if it didn't do that imagine how much I would drink regularly?!

Not that 1-3 drinks isn't a lot. Alcohol being what it is and all.

There are a lot of reasons I over drink when I do. Good and bad issues.

But, truly, tonight I am once again recognizing and remembering how lucky I really am.

I'm starting to believe that I Really Can be a consistent moderate drinker, and that I certainly don't have to abstain from drinking alcohol for 30 days to get there.

This new program I'm on Day 7 in, The 30 Day Sobriety Solution (link in right margin) says something I'm going to prove wrong, because I already have proven it wrong already last year when I switched rather effortlessly from pretty regular over-drinking to mostly moderate drinking:

I posted on the forum about this today, but didn't hear anything back:

2/6/16 Day 7

I could use some support from ADMIN for my particular needs.

Jack and Dave write in the book:  "This 30 days of abstinence is imperative for your success."

It's IMPERATIVE?

If that's true for EVERYONE?, then I'm doomed for failure.

I'm going to have to dig deep within myself and believe in myself to succeed without doing an Abs-30 even if no one else believes in me. I know it's also written in the book that it doesn't matter if no one else believes in you, it only matters that you believe in yourself. But it hurts me to read that it's imperative for my success as a consistent moderate drinker to do something I am simply unable to do for Very Real Reasons.

Here's why:   jayarainbowangel.blogspot.com/why-i-vow-never-to-try-an-abs30-again

Respectfully, Jaya

This from the book is more like it!:

Definitely

The thing about life is learning to make peace with all your emotions.

Allow them to be there, and allow them to help you learn and grow.

And keep striving for:

Need To Vent

There are just no words to express how much I hate myself right now.
I've learned I can be a Toxic person when I drink too much.
I mean, I used to be, back in the day, but I didn't know that I was now.
Never to my daughters, now in their early 20s, thank God. Ever since they were born I have gone out of my way to protect them from stuff, including when I drank off and on, and I have been successful. My daughters don't think I'm a Toxic person.
But a couple people I care deeply about do.
And I need to vent because I truly hate myself.
I've worked so hard my whole life to heal from childhood abuse, continuing abuse by my FOO to this day, and any of my problem areas like drinking. I love humanity and I know as a person I continue to grow into a more loving, kind, grounded, giving, nourishing, and healing one.
But, apparently, I can still be Toxic sometimes when I've had too much to drink.
A couple of nights ago I called a very old and dear friend.
He ended up hanging up on me because he didn't appreciate my sarcastic wit.
All my efforts to apologize and explain only made things worse.
He has blocked me from his life because I am a "Toxic person"

This morning I wrote this but when I went to pm it to him on Facebook, I discovered he had blocked me:

Thank You For The Wake Up Call! OMG, did you make me THINK. I asked my daughters, now in their young 20s, if they thought I was a Toxic person, and they said no. And I'm grateful because I ALWAYS tried to protect them from my dark side, and I was successful. But when I asked Jordan, over the phone, if he thought I was a Toxic person? He PAUSED (!) He Had To Think About It! Then he said, "In what way?" All I could do at the time was hang up.

Let me tell you, I went to bed last night thinking very hard on this subject. And let me tell you, I withdrew in my bed until 1 pm today, hiding, because I felt so bad about being a Toxic person. But when I woke up, I Woke Up!

YES, sometimes when I drink too much I become a Toxic person. I swear to Jesus I didn't know. I couldn't see.

You have Helped Me So Much to get my act together, and I know I shall! xo. Thank You So Very Much.

Please stick around and witness my further growth! *I* Am one of the most Nourishing, Loving, Giving, Healing people on the planet. :D As Are YOU

It's a shame he'll never see it. I posted it on my timeline too, just in case.

I'm not ashamed of myself in any way, I simply hate myself.

I don't want to be a Toxic person.

But I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to tell the world the truth about myself.

I see all of this as happening to Help Me In My Moderate Drinking Plan.

I see myself getting back to drinking only 1,2,3,or4, and having lots of 0 days again. Today will be one of those days.

I'm confident by tomorrow I won't hate myself anymore either.

I Had To Look Really Deep To Figure It Out And Get My Answer

I have figured out why I keep failing at doing an Abs-30. You see, I've been trying to do it in order to follow the advice of the book/program The 30 Day Solution (link in right margin), a tool I chose to help me further change my drinking habits for the better.

My intention from the start, when I first heard about this amazing book by Jack Canfield, and looked into it, and liked what I saw, was to get my drinking back to all moderate; 0-4. I'd been going overboard in my drinking too often since December. I thought I needed to work through the emotional issues that were causing the problem, and that alcohol is not the problem; the 30 Day program concurs.

BUT NOW I ABSOLUTELY CAN'T(and by that I mean WON'T) DO AN ABS-30, AND I ABSOLUTELY VOW NOT TO.

Notice the word "VOW?" That's key.

You see, many years ago I vowed never to go back to CultAA again, or any other recovery movement group that creates dependency upon them. And I have Honored that vow! But CultAA is the worst in how much it harms so many, and how much it harmed me. And how many suicides it causes (links in right margin). It's been recognized as a religion by the courts... but most of us know it's far worse than that. Any program that tells you how and what to think is a cult. And the tons of other harmful things they say and do, but this is no time for such a rambling.

So, there you have it! Doing an Abs-30, to me, is like going back to CultAA. HOW many times over the decades did I go to those rooms and have to start over in my first 30 days of alcohol-free? Too many to count.
How many times did they make me and others feel shamed for being a newbie all over again in her first 30 days? Too many to count.
How many times did they humiliate and destroy souls of people who had two decades of alcohol-free, only to relapse (or even one slip) once, and be forced to be a newbie again and start over in their first 30 days of sobriety as if all their sober living Meant Nothing?! Too many times. Poor Robin Williams was one of them. He would have had to raise his hand when the moderator asked, 'Who is in their first 30 days?', and he would have had to say, "I'm Robin, and I'm an alcoholic," every day for 30 fucking days, and been treated like a newbie.
How deeply is it POUNDED into my brain that if I have to abstain from drinking voluntarily for 30 days, the ONLY reason is because I'm an alcoholic who can never drink again??
This new program does nothing of the kind, but in my subconscious, quitting drinking for 30 days ONLY means to me I can never drink again.
 
Trying to do an Abs-30 is proving as detrimental to me as going back to CultAA would be!

WOW.
What a wake-up call.
I VOW NEVER to do an Abs-30 voluntarily ever again!!!

Facts: According to recent government statistics, 1 in 3 people have a drinking problem. Only 10% of them are alcoholics. 

I've been setting myself up for horrible failure this past week and a half by trying to do this Abs-30 thing! I've set myself up for over-drinking, shame, embarrassment, guilt, and truly hating myself. I've set myself up into starting to believe again that I'm an alcoholic! Do You Know How Erroneously Sad That Is?! I think it even made my behavior worse when I drank because I "wasn't supposed to be drinking." !!!

The problem ISN'T that I CAN'T complete 30 days of voluntary abstinence from drinking! The problem is I SHOULDN'T!!!

This idea won't go over well in the 30 Day program, I'm sure, so I'll probably keep it here, but I look very forward now to continuing in the book, one chapter a day for the 30 Days, doing the exercises while sober, and I'm picking up where I left off on Day 5---before I kept trying to start over and over again every-other day on Day 1!  Like some kind of AACult victim! LOL!

I had to figure this truth out for myself.
I have to do things my way and I have to do what is best for me. We all do.


NOW I feel safe again
NOW I feel like I can breathe again
NOW I feel like I have a great chance at shifting my drinking back to my plan with greater ease.

Shit!

My post at The 30 Day Solution (link in right margin), the program that doesn't see alcohol as the problem, that knows 1 in 3 people have a drinking problem, that 90% of them are not alcoholics.

jaya

Participant

In case anyone is still reading this thread, I think I’m in a bit of trouble.
In case anyone is still reading this thread, I think I’m in a bit of trouble.
I’m figuring out that I must have a lot of feelings to feel and a lot of issues to face and deal with; unwanted feelings, and unwanted issues.
Because I seem to have lost my ability to drink moderately. I drank to excess yesterday.
I want to start over today on doing that Abs-30, because I clearly need it; I know that undeniably now.
It may not even be just feelings and issues to deal with, it may also be that I’ve gotten in the habit of drinking too much a lot of the time over the past month or so.

I’m really bummed because I didn’t realize how much certain things were bothering me in my life; mostly regarding my FOO (family of origin), who are the abusive bane of my existence and the key reason I don’t feel worthy of love or worthy of sobriety. I thought I had successfully dealt with all that already, as I’ve been healing from them my whole life. But when they don’t respect my wishes of No Contact unless it’s to deal with the issues, I think it really messes with my entire being.

Jaya

Not Yet

I saw this play last night with my loving little family. None of us had any way of knowing ahead of time what it curtailed:

judyactonayala.blogspot/i-have-to-tell-you-it-was-best-59th-birthday-weekend-i-ever-had ;)

My supportive little family is AOK. But NOW I'm having my OVERWHELM.

And since no one but me ever even hinted at let alone suggested that I abstain from drinking for 30 days, well, I need to drink today.

Why lie? Why hide anything? That has never gotten me anywhere. Honesty and truth telling gets me everywhere. There is More Love in my life than EVER before in large part because of being authentic. : )

And I Thank You! !!!

If I do keep my drinking moderate, if I get back to my more consistent moderate drinking of 0-4, I'll have no reason to do an Abs-30, unless I just get inspired to; as I often get inspired to make very healthy choices and changes in my life!

I adore Sobriety! I adore my abstinence days; my 0 days, like yesterday! And I adore my moderate days of 1-4!

Today it's:

The cool reindeer antler bottle stopper Jordan got me from Finland last Christmas-time!: