Then No Matter What Else I Do, That'll Be A Good Day.
But I don't know how else to deal with this unfathomable, unbearable grief and PTSD without drinking. Again, that's me, everyone is different.
It's so overwhelming I don't even know if I'll ever be OK.
Yesterday was a very good substance-free day spent with my little family. They are the best family in the universe and I am so blessed and grateful. I Love Them SO MUCH! And They Love Me SO MUCH!
All three of them are very hard-working and busy during the weekdays. Gosh, that's a gift!
Remembering that I'm basically a happy person who loves life and that I can experience joy ought to help assure me that somehow I'm going to be OK. Somehow I'm going to get through the pain and the loss of being abused and/or abandoned by my entire FOO+ (family of origin and relatives). Since it was love and abuse in the same package it's much harder to recover from than if it was only abuse. I will always deeply love and miss them, and wish they cared about me. I DO know I will never recover. But I hope and pray to find some kind of wholeness and peace in time.
So, I am now focusing on stopping judging, criticizing, negative-self-talking myself. I Don't Deserve That! It's a bad habit, and mostly it's my ex-mother's voice in my head attacking me mercilessly that way.
I know I'm a good person, one of the best I know as a matter of fact. Why else would I be supporting Bernie? : ) Being a good democrat, I'll vote for whomever our nominee is. I ask ALL millennials and independents and libertarians and green partiers to do the same, please! We absolutely can't afford or risk getting a republican in the white house, especially not the choices we presently have. (UNDERSTATEMENT!)
