I really want to drink moderately today. I really want four standard drinks. I want vodka, that I can mix 1 oz. at a time in a bunch of structured water, and drink slowly over the hours. There are four standard drinks in a half pint of vodka---four 1 1/2 oz. shots. Six 1 oz. shots (equaling four standard drinks) over many hours in water is a really good way to moderate; get a desired buzz; to not get drunk; to just enjoy drinking. And to stay Hydrated. I've done this MANY times in the past three years. I already KNOW I'm a moderate drinker. I don't have to PROVE it to myself by abstaining for two weeks before drinking again. I have also MANY times only drunk one or two drinks on days I drank.
WHY did I make this commitment again not to drink until Thanksgiving??
Is it OK to break that commitment??
Is there any real reason not to break it?
How will I feel about myself if I break it?
How will others feel about me?
I'm certainly not going to lie. I'm certainly not going to hide it. Those days are gone for good, and I am so blessed and grateful and brilliant for that!
It's so important to remember to love yourself and to compliment yourself about everything. LOVE is the Master Healer. It's equally important to be honest with yourself about your thoughts and feelings.
So, why DID I make that commitment yesterday? Let's see, it seemed like my only solution in the moment of a bad hangover and bad habit lately of drinking too much. It seemed like an act of self love and love for others to make that commitment. It made a lot of sense and it felt really right and good.
I've also learned lately that it is very healthy, smart, and good to have long conversations with yourself about things; it's not the sign of weakness, it's the sign of strength. In CultAA they brainwashed me into believing that having conversations with myself about drinking meant I was a hopeless alcoholic. That's another example of how they accidentally did damage to me (and countless others).
I had TONS of conversations with myself about sugar, and it took two or three years to finally limit or abstain from sugar intake permanently! I've been moderating or abstaining from consuming sugar for, I'd guess, four years now? I'll never ever go back to consuming too much sugar on a regular basis (I do occasionally over-indulge, of course): thanks in part to NEVER giving up eating sugar!! And never giving up those long conversations with myself about eating it (and reading and researching)!
I've been a MOSTLY Moderate drinker for nearly three years!!! I KNOW I can switch back to moderate drinking at will. That is, I HAVE to believe that. I had not been ready to return to moderate drinking because of how getting drunk was legitimately serving me in a time of Great Need. But now, getting drunk is NOT serving me anymore, and it IS hurting me.
If I change my mind about not drinking until Thanksgiving, it's NOT about Justifying bad actions, it's about honoring my path and LOVING MYSELF No Matter What.
If I LEARN that I'm NOT yet ready to drink moderately again, I will REEVALUATE.
Why Do I Feel So Guilty Though??
Because I'm NORMAL, that's why!
Anyone should feel some guilt over breaking a commitment!
