She NAILED it. I saw her message after I posted my previous post about needing to stop killing myself over my fucked-up and not worth it FOO (family of origin). She wrote it yesterday; I just saw it this morning after posting on my blog.
(Life Process Program (LPP) link in right margin.)
From Wonderful Shelly:
Dear Jaya, I can feel your pain through your writing. I received a word of knowledge on you today but I dont entirely know what it means. Jaya, something about your FOO, when you get too close to their energy, it somehow gets you to fall out of what Id like to call your control zone--healthy moderate drinking. A 15 min time out-reset is essential for you because I want to work on recommitting to that goal of slowing your thought cycle and body down. Somewhere along the line, you cross over into a shaming mindset when your body knows its had too much. The truth of the matter is Jaya--that you DONT have to spend the rest of your life recovering when it is possible to reprogram your thinking back to a time before you ever had your first drink of alcohol. I want you to reflect on this for me. Ideas for adopting a weekly mantra to use is something i want you to think about. Some ideas would be--I am in control; I am nurturing my authentic self; I am living a life of passion and purpose; my body is a temple of goodness and truth; I will live my truth. Think about the new identity you are wanting to accept and take on and use that as inspiration. I think the #1 acceptance that you need right now, Jaya, is not the fleeting and artificial acceptance of others, but the true acceptance of yourself --my hunch is that you havent accepted the new you yet because you havent let go of the old you. Be true to yourself and those who love you and are stellar companions and friendships to have, will embrace that. The ones that dont, have just made your quest for truth in all realms that much easier. It is a new season in your life and as long as we can get your heart and mind in tandem on the same page, you will discover a peace and happiness that over drinking or emotional drinking cannot bring. The sweet spot is moderation and being in control with the battlefield of the mind.
Shelly
