It feels appropriate to call it a "curse" that's lifted.
And Thanksgiving was sooo much fun with my little family. The four of us Love spending time together, especially on Christmas and Thanksgiving. : ) Yummy, healthy eats, then in the evening we watched the final Lord of the Rings movie while each sipping on a margarita; my first attempt at making those. Then cherry pie. (One margarita = 3 oz. of tequila = 2 shots/drinks. I didn't use triple sec, I used agave nectar.)
I really do feel like something major has shifted or lifted from my being and I feel happy and at peace again at long last. Now THATs some Powerful Writing! Here's the letter, snail-mailed inside my beautiful hand-made mandala cards for healing. A copy of the picture of my FOO (family of origin) and me was included.
____________________________________________________
11/21/15
May You Be Blessed. May You Be Healed.
Dear
FOO (family of origin) ~
For what it's worth, I feel
compelled to write you this letter. There's absolutely nothing more important
than family; whether that be birth family or extended family. Our story is a
tragic one, that is, for me it is. The emotional suffering I am experiencing is
unbearable and the worst pain I have ever known. To have your mother (and the
rest of you, and all your relatives) turn her back on you, minimize the abuse
by my father, deny the abuse by her, and call me crazy because of what ALL of
it did to me... How Does A Person Live
With This ??? Richard says NO mother would turn her back on her child if she
loved her.
Profound, healing books, such as the
one I've been begging you all to read for decades, "The Courage To
Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, as well as many other books about
abuse, as well as every therapist I've ever talked to, say that THERE IS NO
EXCUSE FOR A PARENT TO MINIMIZE OR DENY ANY ABUSE OF HER CHILD. And so, that is
where are left, for that is exactly what is happening to me. And, dear souls,
that ain't love.
I just needed to get this out of me
and onto you where it belongs.
From
my book:
“We forgive by letting go of blame
and opening to the pain we have tried to push away.”
~
Tara Brach
And:
"We are
told"..."that until we forgive we will never heal. We forget that
forgiveness is a grieving process that often includes the expression and
release of negative emotions, especially disappointment and anger. It's no use
trying to avoid these painful feelings. Forgiveness that is insincere, forced,
or premature can be more psychologically damaging than authentic bitterness and
rage." ~ Sharon Salzberg.
This is where I'm at. My goal, my
desire, my intention has never wavered my entire life: Only to bring Truth,
Communication, Forgiveness, Healing, and Understanding to my FOO and me.
You've finally gotten through to me
by finally showing me your true colors; that that is NEVER EVER going to
happen. So, I will continue working on healing my life, and on forgiveness, as
an orphan.
You are not welcome to contact any
of us again unless it's to (also from my book):
·
Own your “stuff”
·
Validate the person’s feelings
·
Explain to understanding
·
Apologize when needed
I am readily and easily willing and
able to own "my" stuff; to take responsibility for my mistakes and
actions, to apologize and all the rest of it --- always have been always will
be. That's another way I am completely different from all of you.
Thank you for showing me what I was never meant to
become.
Thank you for teaching me what I am strong enough to
survive.
