It's finally revealed to me that mom, and therefore my entire FOO+
thinks I made the whole thing up; thinks I made up the abuse; all of it.
(She thinks one tiny incident happened; something
basically insignificant.)
Well, it's more important now than ever before that she reads the book I
poured my heart and soul and everything else into. Again, she had said
that she wants to read it. Before she shuffles off this mortal coil she
needs to get her facts straight so she doesn't have to come back and do
it all again.
She recently made a very intimidating and manipulative call to Jordan,
and he said it was like she was trying to validate for herself the
belief in the lies she has been telling herself my whole life.
Jordan certainly believes me; every word. Not only did reading my book
do that for him, he witnessed much abuse against me himself over the
decades.
Thank God for him and my girls. I really would be crazy or dead if I didn't have them/if they didn't believe me.
I've been drinking way too much this year (abstaining for a few days
presently), which only serves to confirm in the minds of my FOO that I
really am crazy (when I drunk-dial them in my love-bug self; still
trying desperately to bring healing and reunion, and also occasionally
being confrontational), so is not helping my case any. But! My Whole
Life As I Know It Is About To End. Not only am I truly losing my FOO+
(including you again, no doubt) for life, but my twin soul and I appear
to be parting ways for good also, and that our long-distance platonic
friendship is coming to the end of its rainbow (you know we had that
affair over a decade ago). It won't be more than I can bear (please,
God, don't let it be more than I can bear!). Destiny dictates that I'm
ready for it. And I also believe I'm here for a very important spiritual
journey and reason.
Oh, so, no one ever has to fear that I will ever again go off the deep
end with my drinking like I have before in my life. I can assure you
that won't happen. It's just a knowing I have. I can feel that shift in
me.
