How is the FOO acting this wknd? I feel like they dont even comprehend what you have been through Jaya and how much youre grieving :(
My responsse:
It means a lot to me that you would ask, and that you care, Shelly.
Yesterday was one of the worst days I've ever had in my life; basically in the fetal position all day; feeling the deadest inside I can remember feeling.
Here's the thing though... because I didn't drink (or smoke), or even want to... I'm more confident than ever that I'm not an alcoholic.
I FELT all my PAIN because I needed to.
I DID ask them once again to let me go and not to respond; they responded of course. Mom was all innocent like, "I love you..... never, never, never give up.... what can I do to help?"
What can she do to help?! Are you effing kidding me?? She and I just had a phone chat that morning where she claimed total ignorance to ever abusing me.
I got to say something I've always wanted and needed to say to her in a text message in response to her text message last night. In all caps I texted her:
OMG YOU SHOULD BE CRYING YOUR EYES OUT OVER HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME MY WHOLE LIFE
And I sent it because it was meant without malice, and by now she ought to know that.
It silenced her. I'm imagining that she was very offended.
I read an e-book by Anah Maa last year called, "The Light At The End Of The Tunnel" about a miracle woman who survived ritual abuse and worse by Illuminati parents. And even HER mother, later in life, woke up, went to her daughter to cry with her, apologize to her and beg her forgiveness.
I don't expect my FOO, narcissists that they are, to EVER comprehend, let alone care, about me in that way. And my story is less than a minuscule fraction of Anah's. Meaning, my FOO has nothing to be ashamed of... and I have been saying that to them for a very long time; I want to end the stigma of shame; I just want to talk and bring healing.
Today I did my best to block their phone numbers and email addys
