My Drinking History: Over four decades of mostly problem drinking, five drunken-related arrests in my 20s (the early 80s), of abstinence and binge-drinking, of trying moderation and usually-or-often failing, of being immersed in almost every other recovery group out there, but of being mostly sober.

Monday, April 25, 2016

I Cannot Tell A Lie -- The Fatigue Made Me Do It

So, under normal circumstances, with the many reasons, good and bad, for drinking, the biggest reason I drink is when I'm desperate for relief from the symptoms of ME/CFS and the bone-crushing fatigue. There's absolutely nothing else that I know of that works.

The past week took too much out of me and even though emotionally I am OK again, on a purely physical level yesterday I just couldn't stand how I was feeling, and with my little family's OK, I drank yesterday. I chose champagne, and I ended up drinking nearly two bottles! As far as I know I didn't get into any trouble though! geez.

Drinking definitely gives me the energy I crave and disguises any other symptoms I'm having. When I use it right, alcohol is good medicine!

I went overboard yesterday though. I'm glad I drank lots of Structured Water too to neutralize the toxins, keep me hydrated, and prevent a hangover. Thank GodGoddessUniverse for SW!

OK, so NOW I can FINALLY get back to my new normal of drinking only twice a week! HURRAY!

The last thing that makes sense to do is to punish myself for my FOOs (family of origin) mistreatment of me by drinking too much! I dunno, it's like I'm taking the bullet for my ex-mother by punishing myself instead of her. (?) I think when we come from an abusive family we tend to treat ourselves very badly too often. Chalk it up to growing pains.

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