Keeping this blog is an act of bravery and courage to begin with.
Telling the truth is MESSY.
The truth is I don't know what I'm going to do until I do it, when it comes to drinking or not drinking.
All my best intentions, and all my sincere beliefs in being able to stick to a plan, are simply not to be trusted, or to put it more kindly, are not always what manifests.
I can truly only mark my progress by reviewing my past actions.
So, the good news is, I have DEFINITELY cut-back on my drinking in the past few weeks, and by quite a lot.
Not being able to stick to a plan might mean I need to modify the plan.
Or maybe, making the plan is a needed tool for me, like the placebo effect; I need to sincerely believe something is true in order to help me move forward.
Perhaps I have been trying to jump from point A to point C, and that's not what works for me.
Remember, this is ALL trial-and-error; I'm teaching myself how to become the Sobrietist of my dreams.
To think that I could go from drinking 4 or 5 times a week to 2 times a week might have been a tad unrealistic for me.
Others could do it though; everyone is different.
The fact that I've gone to 3 times a week is Not A Failure!
And please let me remind you, my drinking was moderate from 2013 until mid-2015, after being substance-free all of 2012.
A KEY tool in the HAMS program (link in right margin) that works for many people is Tapering-Off.
And HAMS also Celebrates any positive change.
Tapering-off must be what's working for me.
Maybe if I had a worse drinking problem than I do I couldn't do this. That's my best guess.
I learned that most people in The 30-Day Sobriety Solution, and The Life Process Program (links in right margin) with worse drinking problems than me, choose to quit drinking and embrace teetotaling.
It's fucking HARD to moderate your drinking all the time, people!!!
I am in the position of not having to give up though, and I'm grateful for that.
I drank a 6-pack of O'Mission gluten-free Pale Ale Friday = 7 standard drinks (due to alcohol content). Drink Calculator: LINK
I didn't drink yesterday, even though I went through an emotional experience that ANNIHILATED me. That's a very healthy sign that I'm not inclined to turn to the bottle under such circumstances. I'm not a fucking alcoholic you god damned CultAA-Nazis. Yes, readers, I am still being called one by them. But, forgive them for they know not what they do.
