I'm so enjoying my substance-free days, and had three in a row Friday-Sunday.
It's so easy for me, and I'm so grateful and happy about that.
Sometimes I wonder why I even want to drink at all!
But then there's my wild side that I truly want to honor and celebrate.
And she does love to party.
When I'm sober my life is so "normal" and rather sophisticated, and I'm kind of a square
When I party with booze and pot I get more in touch with my creative energy, and actually, I get pretty deep into deeper thoughts. My imagination always surprises and delights me, and my spirit will do anything to soar. I see the super subtle innuendos in life, like in TV shows, that I miss when sober. I often get clear about things, and insights. I like altering my consciousness.
I'm feeling pretty darn grounded in my Sobrietist plan at long last.--- But I'm not there yet.
The depression I was in has lifted, and the deep grieving I'm going through is lighter.
I'm being much more productive again, including doing spring cleaning and de-cluttering my house. : )
I'm not even totally sure why I drank yesterday because I didn't really want to; I want to wait until Friday or Saturday or Sunday to do my once-a-week drinking. Then I will feel truly guilt-free and confident. I feel I could have easily chosen to wait, even though it's been months since I've gone six or more days without drinking, and even though I was super stressed about something that happened (someone stole from me, possibly someone we know, and now I have to cancel our credit card; the one we use like cash, and is connected to many auto-payments), and even though I had my teeth cleaned which totally exhausts me due to the ME/CFS, and drinking gives me energy.
I guess I did it because I had given myself permission to drink twice a week, and because I had just gone three days substance-free, which is the longest I've gone for a while, I'm pretty sure.
(In 2014 I averaged drinking once a week. In 2015 when I got tangled up with my abusive FOO again--family of origin--my drinking started to progress, and was often a problem until I took the steps I needed to take to orphan myself again---once I finally got the whole truth about them.)
(But then, in addition to the depression and PTSD, a special personal relationship went sour due to the heavy drinking, and I continued to drink too much.)
(That friendship is well on the mend, thank God, and has become much more honest too.)
I drank more than I should have yesterday. More than the 6-pack. I'm going to work on that. I suffered in the night with anxiety, but I don't have a hangover due structuring my booze with Structured Water.
My former plan was to drink whenever I wanted but only drink 1-4 standard drinks, remember?
And I never drink every day; never have never will.
My current plan suits me better for now; drinking once a week, and it can be a 6-pack of O'Mission gluten-free beer if I want that much..... I simply love to get a good buzz and have a private party! Not all the time though. Sometimes I prefer to drink moderately.
This is all a process--this drinking journey--and I'm winging it. It's all so fascinating to me.
Everyone has to choose for themselves what moderation and sobriety is for them.
MODERATION IS KING!
MODERATION IS EVERYTHING!
