and I guess I'm OK with starting at noon a couple times,
or even a bit earlier,
as long as I don't drink more than four standard drinks....
Which I've achieved since Tuesday's 6-pack.
I'm just being honest.
I'm just keepin' it real.
I'm just honoring myself and my process.
I'm just further annihilating the shame CultAA put in me.
I have nothing to be ashamed of!
I know I'm going through a lot right now,
and I know when I drink it's not interfering with anything going on in my life.
So, again today I'm sipping on beers,
gluten-free Omission,
one per hour;
actually it's taking more than an hour per beer.
Not counting Tuesday,
so just the past three days.
I'm saying I drank 4 or less beers Wednesday, Thursday, and today (in progress -- 2 beers thus far -- I will keep you posted -- I will tell you the truth),
but 6 on Tuesday,
and wasn't happy with that the next day,
so I made a change.
I have New Rules for myself;
that I can drink everyday if I want or need to,
instead of every-other day like I'm used to,
as long as I keep it moderate.
I guess this is my meds.
I'm using it like meds; to self-medicate.
I don't take any meds except for NatureThroid for my hypothyroidism.
I don't take any Rx drugs for anything,
except for a sporadic very low dose Valium to help me fall asleep once in a while.
I've been doing that for years and years.
An Rx of 30 5 mg. Valium will last me between 4 months - 1 year.
And that's the truth.
I usually take just half of one of those when I take it.
When I drank 5 - 8 drinks,
especially if it was 2 per hour,
I took a whole Valium at bedtime to prevent the shakes in the night.
And to prevent waking up sporadically with panic attacks and a racing heart.
I put that in BOLD because THATs the kind of behavior I'm done with.
That's just so unhealthy and unloving to myself.
Period.
If this truly is my new and lasting reality,
I truly am Cured of "alcoholism!"---
Which I never really had in the first place!
Moderation IS King!
Moderation IS Everything!
Moderation IS Mine!
And it's getting easier and better all the time.
I'm rather wowed by my ability and desire to drink this moderately, and how easy and fun it is!!
May this continue!
May it get better and lighter!
If I can do it, many others can too!
