I figure if I can go through ALL that I'm going through and not even want to drink yesterday, I'm going to be fine!
Yesterday was the huge shocker about my beloved cousin; we were close growing up; people thought we were twins! It hurt, but it didn't surprise me that we grew apart during all the estrangements and discord between my FOO (family of origin) and me over the decades. When I became estranged from one, I became estranged from the entire FOO+ (relatives). ....Yeah, sorta like they are one cell and I'm the misfit; but as my psychologist pointed out, I'm the sane misfit!
My cousin and I were getting chummy through emails throughout this year, and it was delightful. I had also reunited with my FOO this year too.
It all "appeared" to be going well. I thought soul contracts were resolved, I thought I was able to do that for all of us on my own, I thought I freed everyone from ever having to be encouraged by me to talk about the abuses in order to bring truth, healing, forgiveness, and understanding.
I was horribly wrong, and things got much, much worse for me than ever before.
But I finally got the whole truth: THAT NOT ONE OF THEM EVEN BELIEVES ME ABOUT ANY OF THE ABUSE---NOT THE INCEST BY MY LATE FATHER, AND NOT THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE/NEGLECT BY MY MOTHER.
I mean, I KNEW no one ever wanted to talk about it, but I had no idea what kind of people they really were or what they really thought about me. All those "I love yous" to me from them my whole life were a crock, a cover.
They all think I'm mentally-ill-crazy and hopeless and that I was born that way.
But when, just yesterday, my cousin let me know in an email that she doesn't believe me?!?!.... it was just too much.
And WHO ARE these people?!? And, why do intelligent, sophisticated, educated, high-caliber people act like white trailer trash?? Or worse yet, Republicans?!!
I was in shock all day yesterday. I was heart-broken. I was depressed.
But I didn't want to drink and I didn't. No cannabis either. Not even CBD tincture.
For all I know, having more of the truth will help my drinking get even better (more moderate).
I'll Be A Happy Forever Orphan
Who Never Has To Go To Any Funerals Or Memorial Services!
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Today will continue to hurt, but tonight is going to be fun! We're taking my youngest daughter and her friends out for dinner at Stacked! She's 21 (yesterday)!!! Woot!
