I scared myself and my college daughters yesterday; I drove under the influence.
I had three glasses of wine in me, wanted one more, and drove to the store to get a mini bottle, 6 oz. of wine.
My driving was good, but that doesn't matter.
The store didn't sell single mini bottles so I bought a four pack.
I ended up drinking two of them.
I believe that is equal to a total of a bottle of wine plus an extra 5 oz.. I believe there are five 5 oz. servings of wine in a bottle.
I had opened a sixth mini, changed my mind about drinking it, turned it over to my daughters by leaving it on the kitchen counter. I guess I wanted them to see that I was done and in somewhat of control. I guess I wanted them to see that I value their support of this journey I'm on, and that I won't keep secrets from them about drinking anymore.
One of them poured it down the drain. So smart!
I'm confessing all this on my blog because my Values are about Telling The Truth.
We're really only as sick as our secrets. The more forthright I am about my drinking, especially in being honest with myself, the better and healthier and smarter I get.
I believe all the alcohol I've been drinking this year has caught up to me and not only impaired my judgment (about driving, about drinking too much), but has reached a level where it's going to be hard to abstain from drinking for an extended period of time.
I'm scared.
I'm scared that I can't do it. I'm scared that I'll suffer with cravings. And I'm scared that absing for a long period will make me think and feel like it means I CAN'T drink. That will take some elaborating about. Its tied-in with how CultAA brainwashed me to think and feel about myself.
Also, there are a lot of overwhelming emotions for me to deal with regarding several things going on in my life. I'm an energetically sensitive being, so that's why I feel things so deeply.
If I truly Love Myself I will not drink for long enough to get the alcohol out of my system and get my physiology balanced again.
My desire is to not drink until the next full moon close to the end of August.
Please wish me luck. Please send me well wishes. Thank You!
