It's not a surprise that I'm wanting to drink today. Not only am I already in the habit of drinking every-other day, or sometimes every day, for the past several weeks or whatever it's been... longer? Or before that it was once or twice a week... it FEELS like it's been forever though that I've been drinking so often.
Then, let's take a look at my life, shall we? If you had my life you'd want to drink too.
To begin with, I'm so fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired. And bored. And basically helpless to do anything about it. And I take no meds like everybody else does with my illnesses. So, for me, I can think of booze as my meds, and I just want my meds so I can feel better.
YOU try living your life sitting in bed and see how YOU feel.
I do everything right: I eat very healthy and organic and light, I'm super low sugar and carbs, I drink a LOT of hydrating Structured Water, I only drink 8 oz. of coffee a day, I get the light exercise my disease will allow, I do my spiritual work, I do my creative work, I earn pocket change from an ebay business I created that helps people, I take care of my family and my house (and have help from a house cleaner once a month, God Love Him), I'm frugal about shopping, I pay my bills on time, I give so much love and support to people on social media and whom I see out in the world, I've always been a really good mom, ....I'm just this overall really good person, yo!
I feel like I'm gonna go out of my freakin' mind if I have to keep sitting on this bed and watch TV! Even quality TV SUCKS when it's all you can do. I can't read for very long due to my disease, which effects my concentration, or makes me too fatigued.
DRINKING takes me on VACATION and FREES ME from this PRISON.
My girls are in college and don't need me much and live their own lives and are not adversely affected by my drinking. They only get effected when I impose myself on them, which I RARELY EVER do when I'm drinking.
I WANT to drink. But I have to THINK hard about this first.
I need to KNOW that I will MODERATE my drinking.
I need to KNOW that it's truly in my best interests to drink.
I'd RATHER Go Outside And Do Something Fun And Relaxing!!!
Most of the time my body won't let me. Can't you understand that??!!!
Or if it's too hot, all bets are off; I can't "do" heat.
If I drink I'll probably make myself sick in the night and I don't want to make myself sick.
I'm ALREADY sick. All I want to do is make myself feel BETTER not worse.
And I DEFINITELY don't want to further impair my already impaired immune system, yo!
According to Guidelines of Whoever, I can feel good about drinking up to 9 drinks a week, three days a week 3 drinks. I'm changing that to two times a week so I can drink 4 one day and 5 another if I want to. Five drinks is equal to a mere bottle of wine. WHAT NORMAL DRINKER DOESN'T DRINK A BOTTLE OF WINE??!! NONE that I know of!!! ALL normal drinkers I know of drink a bottle of wine at times, even rather often!!!
IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT I DON'T GET TO DO THAT TOO!!!!
I'll let you know what I decide...
